tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45048710030404808132024-02-07T14:09:57.805+11:00Maybe it means nothingJshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-48412546951422270382014-10-14T18:00:00.000+11:002014-10-14T18:00:03.441+11:00Adventures at GHC - part 2 - Communicating for Impact and Influence<h2>
Adventures at GHC part 2 - Communicating for Impact and Influence - a workshop with Denise Brosseau</h2>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">[<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/pshanks/411196422/" target="_blank">"Communication" - Paul Shanks on flickr</a>]</span></div>
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This was the third session I attended on the first day of GHC. I thought it was interesting enough that I'd dedicate an entire post to summarising it. Hopefully I can use this to come back to if I ever want to review the material.</div>
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This session focused on how to present information about projects to (more senior) stakeholders (although some of the skills are definitely transferrable). I had initially thought it was going to be mostly another "here's how to project confidence blah blah" talk, but I was pleasantly surprised to receive concrete advice on how to present a piece of information in an effective way.</div>
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I liked Denise Brosseau's soundbite quote from the intro to her workshop:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;">"Good communication is a gift ... to your audience, and to you"</span></blockquote>
She explained the reasoning behind this:<br />
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<ul>
<li>You will feel less frustrated (your audience understands what you want and is thus able to give it to you)</li>
<li>Your audience will feel less frustrated (they can understand what you want)</li>
<li>You will be more effective (because you are able to get more of what you want)</li>
<li>The effect of the above is good for your team and your company too</li>
</ul>
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The workshop focused on "the three P's": <b>Preparing, Presenting </b>and<b> Prevailing.</b></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">[image of my notes on the three P's in the handout we were given]</span></div>
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<i>P</i>reparation is key</h3>
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This is from the handout + my notes. I re-ordered them a little in a way that makes sense to me.</div>
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<ul>
<li><b>Think about what's in it for them</b> (if you don't listen to them, why should they listen to you?)</li>
<li><b>Think Big! </b>(What do you know is possible? Think bigger than that. What's even bigger than the the thing you just thought of? For various reasons, women tend to pitch only the part that is obviously possible, call it "E", while men are pitching to "Z". You have to trust that by the time you get to "E" you'll know how to get to "F", "G", "H" ...)</li>
<li><b>Do a dry run or write a rough draft</b> (what are your arguments, get them in order in your mind before you do it for real)</li>
<li><b>Think through their possible objections</b> (who will disagree and why? You need to recognise <i>and respect</i> their views otherwise they will not change their mind - think about various political groups, anti-abortion groups come to mind)</li>
<li><b>Make contingency plans </b>(what should I do if someone disagrees? how can I address their argument?)</li>
</ul>
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Once we'd gone through these, we did a little exercise on preparation. We were told to think of something we wanted to ask for, or to use asking for a promotion as an example, and prepare a one-sentence pitch. A few people shared theirs with the room. Here are a couple of ones I remember:</div>
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<i>"It will be bigger than GMail."</i></blockquote>
Nice and memorable, but lacks details.<br />
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<i>"Given my continued performance on project foo, I believe I could be more effective if you promoted me."</i></blockquote>
Not too shabby, but lacks impact.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"I'm in this for the long term, but to do this I need to be recognised and compensated better."</i></blockquote>
This one is supposedly the best example of a one-sentence pitch that was given by an attendee. I like it, it's punchy and to the point.<br />
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I have to admit, I'm a little unclear on what the difference between the second and third examples are other than buzz words, but somehow the third one does sound better to me too.<br />
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When you <i>P</i>resent</h3>
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<ul>
<li><b>Present your ideas clearly and succinctly</b>. (For example, when writing an email, put the ask up front, or head it with "FYI")</li>
<li><b>Sell yourself AND your ideas.</b> (You're not just pitching a thing, you're pitching for the stakeholders to invest in <i>you doing/making the thing. </i>Make sure you also put your credentials out there)</li>
<li><b>Listen well</b>. (You need to be able to hear or see people's responses and adjust your angle accordingly)</li>
<li><b>Respond well to criticism or objections.</b> (What was your plan B? Don't be defensive)</li>
<li><b>Make the ask clear.</b> </li>
<li><b>Make it easy for the stakeholder to agree</b>. (Break it down into smaller things for them to agree to if you can.)</li>
<li><b>Build their trust in you </b>before asking for something big. (Builds on previous point. Denise Brosseau shared anecdotes about two women who wanted her to mentor them. One straight up asked "will you be my mentor?" and that was too big for Denise to agree to. The other asked for a single, specific piece of advice, used it, then a couple of months later, asked Denise out for dinner to thank her and tell her what happened. Then another couple of months later asked for another piece of advice. Rinse and repeat = eventually a successful mentoring relationship. Also, people like to know what happened when you give advice - did it work? Was it helpful? Feedback is good)</li>
</ul>
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We did another exercise here, which was a bit cheesy but was quite fun. In pairs/threes, one person would say something they like about themself, and another would "amplify" them. The idea of this is to show how easy it is to boost/promote someone else, even if we don't know them very well - so if we can do that for someone we don't know, why not ourselves?</div>
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That led us into the third of the three P's:<br />
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<i>P</i>revail after the presentation has finished</h3>
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<ul>
<li><b>Assess what happened. </b>(Preferably with someone else. A post-mortem if you will, or a debrief to make sure you know how to move forward.)</li>
<li><b>Get help to win buy in.</b> (What if other people reinforced your idea? Maybe you won't win something if only you go to your boss about something, but what if your boss hears it from 5 different people?)</li>
<li><b>Don't take a "NO" personally.</b> (A no is NOT a stop sign, it's a push in a different direction. Collect no's - they are learning experiences)</li>
<li><b>Follow up.</b> (See previous anecdote about Denise Brosseau's mentees. Make sure you hold your audience and yourself accountable to do what you said you'd do)</li>
<li><b>Try, try again.</b></li>
</ul>
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Conclusion</h3>
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I enjoyed this workshop, and I think it included lots of helpful advice. I will be thinking of the three P's before I do high stakes presentations in the future!</div>
Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-10296729282658888192014-10-14T09:00:00.001+11:002014-10-14T09:00:04.425+11:00Adventures at GHC - part 1As I mentioned in my <a href="http://maybeitmeansnothing.blogspot.com/2014/10/i-went-to-grace-hopper-celebration-of.html" target="_blank">previous post</a>, I spent 3 days last week at the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing. In this post, I'm going to write about the first two sessions I attended: the opening keynote and a new managers session.<br />
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Since these sessions were at the start of the conference, I feel like they're already partly lost to time in my memory ( :( ), but I'll see what I can do, for my own record as much as anything else! Here goes:<br />
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Opening Welcome and Keynote - Shafi Goldwasser (MIT)</h3>
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I had to leave early to conduct an interview during this session, so I didn't get to see much of it, so I'll just add some links, because other people can say it better than I can...<br />
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Shafi Goldwasser is a professor of Electrical Engineering and Computer Science at MIT, and in her keynote, she talked about cryptography. A major theme of her talk was about paradoxical abilities enabled by cryptography (e.g. securely exchanging secret messages without meeting first), and how the presence and ability of an "adversary" (a malicious entity who wants the data you're attempting to protect) defines and determines the solutions to a problem.<br />
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I really enjoyed the first 10 minutes of this talk, would attend full session if it was offered again. Here are some links about this talk:<br />
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Recording: <a href="http://gracehopper.org/2014-grace-hopper-celebration-wednesday-livestream/">http://gracehopper.org/2014-grace-hopper-celebration-wednesday-livestream/</a><br />
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Nice write up by Huma, who also did good writeups of several other sessions: <a href="http://i-thinq.blogspot.com/2014/10/ghc14-keynote-shafi-goldwasser.html">http://i-thinq.blogspot.com/2014/10/ghc14-keynote-shafi-goldwasser.html</a><br />
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AZ Tech Beat: <a href="http://aztechbeat.com/2014/10/shafi-goldwasser-cryptography-grace-hopper/">http://aztechbeat.com/2014/10/shafi-goldwasser-cryptography-grace-hopper/</a><br />
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New Managers - What's your challenge? (Birds of feather session) - Emily J. Leathers (Brigade)</h3>
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This session was primarily for mildly guided discussion between attendees who are new(ish) managers and tech leads. While it was an interesting discussion, I didn't feel like I learned very much. - I think I'd been a tech lead / manager of interns for a little longer than the other people in my group. (Interestingly, writing that feel funny, even though it's factually true and easy to check. Impostor syndrome?) It was nice to hear that the kinds of issues I've had are not dissimilar to other at least. I hope that the other attendees had something interesting to think about when they go back to work...Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-2100718820030826362014-10-14T03:07:00.001+11:002014-10-14T08:55:00.939+11:00I went to the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing!Last week I went to the <a href="http://gracehopper.org/" target="_blank">Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing</a>. It was a fun experience, well, mostly, so I thought I'd write about what I saw and did there.<br />
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I attended a variety of sessions, and I think most of them were pretty good this year. I think that means I did a better job at choosing which ones to go to this year! Here are the titles of all the sessions I went to. I'll do posts about the ones I found most interesting / have Opinions about, and may or may not say much about the others.<br />
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<ul>
<li>Opening Welcome and Keynote - Shafi Goldwasser</li>
<li>New Managers - What's your challenge? (Birds of feather session) - Emily J. Leathers (Brigade)</li>
<li>Communicating for Impact and Influence - Denise Brosseau</li>
<li>Male Allies Plenary Panel - Penny Herscher (Moderator, FirstRain), Mike Schroepfer (Facebook), Alan Eustace (Google), Blake Irving (GoDaddy), Tayloe Stansbury (Intuit)</li>
<li>Keynote (day 2) - Satya Nadella in Conversation with Maria Klawe</li>
<li>Accountability and Metrics for Gender Diversity - Denise Menelly (Bank of America), Lazlo Bock (Google), Danielle Brown (Intel), Theresa Kushner (VMWare), Jeanne Hultquist (Anita Borg Institute)</li>
<li>The Dynamics of Hyper-Effective Teams: How inclusive environments drive innovation - Lori Mackenzie, Caroline Simard (both from the Clayman Institute for Gender Research)</li>
<li>Reverse Male Allies</li>
<li>Keynote (day 3) - Dr Arati Prabhakar (DARPA)</li>
<li>New Perspectives on Gender-Inclusive Game Design - Elisabeth Gee (Arizona State University), Gillian Smith (Northeastern University), Carolee Stewart-Gardiner (Kean University), Gail Carmichael (Carleton University), Kate Compton (University of California)</li>
<li>Addressing Stereotype Threat in the Education System: Brainstorming Possible Approaches - Beccie Magnus, Danielle Del Rosario (both from ThoughtWorks, Inc)</li>
</ul>
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Aside from the sessions, I had a blast meeting tons of different women from around the world and talking to them! Overall, I think the conference was a net positive for me (although next year I think I will decline to do so many interviews - I had to miss several sessions, including part of the opening keynote!). I hope the Anita Borg Institute listens carefully to the feedback and media attention this year's GHC elicited, and improves on the parts which were not so good.</div>
Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-33338878589251040502013-06-06T09:30:00.000+10:002013-06-06T10:23:51.227+10:00The 61st Down Under Feminists' Carnival<div>
Welcome to the June 5, 2013 edition of down under feminists' carnival! There are lots of yummy links ready for your perusal.</div>
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Class/poverty</h2>
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<a href="http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2013/05/18/you-cant-afford-to-lose-your-temper-when-youre-poor/" target="_blank">You can’t afford to lose your temper </a>when you’re poor at <a href="http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">blue milk</a>.</div>
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Kate Marsh writes about the high costs and (in)accessibility of abortion in Australia - particularly in Queensland - in <a href="http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/4682464.html">A matter for women and their doctors? If only</a> at <a href="http://www.abc.net.au/news/thedrum/">The Drum</a>.</div>
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Family/Women's Work</h2>
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Cristy presents <a href="http://larvatusprodeo.net/archives/2013/05/feminism-and-the-terrifying-dependency-of-children/" target="_blank">Feminism and the terrifying dependency of children</a> at <a href="http://larvatusprodeo.net/" target="_blank">Larvatus Prodeo</a>.</div>
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Elizabeth writes about <a href="http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/2013/05/11/mothers-day-mourning/">Mothers’ Day mourning</a> at <a href="http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/">Spilt Milk</a>.</div>
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QoT writes about recent parliamentary events in <a href="http://ideologicallyimpure.wordpress.com/2013/05/22/parenting-and-politics-just-dont-mix/">Parenting and politics just don’t mix!</a> at <a href="http://ideologicallyimpure.wordpress.com/">Ideologically Impure.</a></div>
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Sarah hates the "supermum" meme because you shouldn't need to be superhuman to be a mum in <a href="http://thesarahkatemonologues.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/when-bad-things-happen-to-mothers-day.html">When bad things happen to Mother's Day</a> at <a href="http://thesarahkatemonologues.blogspot.com/">The Sarah Monologues</a>.</div>
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The north island is finally getting a unit to help mothers who face post-natal depression or distress.! AlisonM writes about it at <a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/mother-and-baby-support-long-time-coming.html">Mother and Baby Support: A Long Time Coming</a> at <a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com/">The Hand Mirror</a>.</div>
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Race</h2>
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Eutraphalia writes about casual racism at <a href="http://www.theshake.com.au/">The Shake</a> in <a href="http://www.theshake.com.au/news-opinion/casual-racism-is-prevalent-and-not-okay">Where are you from? On casual racism.</a></div>
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The Koori Woman at <a href="http://thekooriwoman.wordpress.com/">thekooriwoman</a> is not going to "get over" colonialism in <a href="http://thekooriwoman.wordpress.com/2013/05/26/get-over-it-on-colonialism/">“Get Over It” On Colonialism.</a></div>
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Utopiana at <a href="http://blackfeministranter.blogspot.com/">Rantings of an Aboriginal Feminist</a> writes an <a href="http://blackfeministranter.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/an-open-letter-to-bess-price.html">Open letter to Bess Price</a>.</div>
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General Feminism/Social Justice</h2>
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Orlando writes about something horrifying: <a href="http://hoydenabouttown.com/20130509.14021/signal-boost-women-being-prosecuted-for-retracting-domestic-violence-allegations/">women being prosecuted for retracting domestic violence allegations</a> in NSW at Hoyden About Town.</div>
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<a href="http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">blue milk</a> talks about double standards in who gets labelled "brainless" for their hobbies in <a href="http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/radical-jam-making/" target="_blank">Radical jam making</a>.</div>
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Over at <a href="http://hoydenabouttown.com/" target="_blank">Hoyden About Town</a>, Tigtog writes about <a href="http://hoydenabouttown.com/20130519.14104/ron-lindsays-wiscfi-twist-on-the-conventional-opening-speech/" target="_blank">Ron Lindsay's #wiscfi twist on the conventional Opening Speech</a>.</div>
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<a href="http://canbebitter.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/on-speaking-as-a-woman/" target="_blank">On speaking as a woman</a> at <a href="http://canbebitter.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Can Be Bitter</a>.</div>
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Jem at <a href="http://justokwhiteshark.wordpress.com/">Just Ok White Shark</a> wonders <a href="http://justokwhiteshark.wordpress.com/2013/05/28/why-arent-girls-fussed-about-feminism/">Why don’t young more women embrace feminism?</a></div>
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<a href="http://noplaceforsheep.com/2013/05/17/privilege-and-imagination/">Privilege and Imagination</a> at <a href="http://noplaceforsheep.com/">No Place For Sheep</a>.</div>
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Orlando at <a href="http://hoydenabouttown.com/">Hoyden About Town</a> has <a href="http://hoydenabouttown.com/20130527.14178/our-best-sign-yet-that-we-are-doing-something-right/">Our best sign yet that we are doing something right.</a></div>
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<a href="http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/">Blue Milk</a> has some opinions on various topics in <a href="http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/opinions-i-hold-that-almost-no-one-agrees-with/">Opinions I hold that almost no-one agrees with.</a></div>
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[cn: fat hatred, bullying] Sleepydumpling is defying the bullies and their derailing tactics in <a href="http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/2013/05/28/why-i-take-no-shit-from-anyone-in-my-online-spaces/">WHY I TAKE NO SHIT FROM ANYONE IN MY ONLINE SPACES</a> at <a href="http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/">Fat Heffalump</a>.</div>
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Politics</h2>
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Cristy at <a href="http://larvatusprodeo.net/" target="_blank">Larvatus Prodeo</a> asks <a href="http://larvatusprodeo.net/archives/2013/05/is-the-gagging-of-nsw-clcs-a-breach-of-the-implied-freedom-of-political-communication/" target="_blank">Is the gagging of NSW CLCs a breach of the implied freedom of political communication?</a></div>
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<a href="http://kiwistargazer.blogspot.com/">stargazer</a> writes about the <a href="http://kiwistargazer.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/hillcrest-park-guardians.html">hillcrest park guardians</a> group, and the recent council hearing she attended.</div>
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<a href="http://kiwistargazer.blogspot.com/">stargazer</a> is unimpressed by the Waikato District Health Board's proposal for reducing the waiting times at the hospital's emergency department in <a href="http://kiwistargazer.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/this-is-unhealthy.html">this is unhealthy</a>.</div>
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<a href="http://victoriarollison.com/">Victoria Rollison</a> writes <a href="http://victoriarollison.com/2013/05/03/an-open-letter-to-bernie-brookes/">An Open Letter to Bernie Brookes</a>, Myer CEO, with regards to his predictable opinion on social welfare.</div>
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missaleksia at <a href="http://itotallyhaveablog.wordpress.com/">I Totally Have A Blog</a> writes about Tony Abbott's "women of calibre" remark and paid maternity leave in <a href="http://itotallyhaveablog.wordpress.com/2013/05/08/paid-maternity-leave-its-not-about-the-money/">Paid maternity leave? It’s not about the money</a>.</div>
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<a href="http://blogs.bluebec.com/gay-marriage-is-still-an-exclusionary-term/">Gay marriage is still an exclusionary term</a> at <a href="http://blogs.bluebec.com/">Opinions @ bluebec.com.</a></div>
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Disability</h2>
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anthea at <a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com/">The Hand Mirror</a> questions the language used by the media around payments for family member carers of disabled people in <a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/adult-disabled-children.html">Adult disabled children.</a></div>
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Sex/Relationships</h2>
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Over at <a href="http://www.theshake.com.au/" target="_blank">The Shake</a>, Veronica Foale takes on the idea that <a href="http://www.theshake.com.au/news-opinion/female-viagra-will-lead-to-crazed-binges-of-infidelity-societal-splintering/" target="_blank">Female viagra will lead to crazed binges of infidelity; societal splintering</a>.</div>
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LudditeJourno at <a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com/">The Hand Mirror</a> asks us not to shut the door on nuanced understandings of desire and love in <a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/when-did-you-choose-every-day-thanks.html">When did you choose? Every day, thanks.</a></div>
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Chally is <a href="http://zeroatthebone.wordpress.com/2013/05/27/tossing-the-script-of-desire/">Tossing the script of desire</a> at <a href="http://zeroatthebone.wordpress.com/">Zero at the Bone</a>. Then she writes beautifully about her personal experience in <a href="http://zeroatthebone.wordpress.com/2013/05/30/something-rich-and-strange/">Something rich and strange</a>.</div>
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[cn: suicide, heterosexism] LudditeJourno at <a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com/">The Hand Mirror</a> writes about the NZ government's new plan to address suicide, and its lack of mention of the GLBT community in <a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/killing-us-softly-so-softly.html">Killing us softly, so softly</a>.</div>
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Life</h2>
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Cate at <a href="http://www.catehuston.com/">Accidentally in Code</a> writes about being OK in <a href="http://www.catehuston.com/blog/2013/05/27/the-aftermath/">The Aftermath</a>.</div>
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Media</h2>
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At <a href="http://canbebitter.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Can Be Bitter</a>, a discussion about the <a href="http://canbebitter.wordpress.com/2013/05/21/portrayals-of-women-in-amy-heckerlings-clueless/" target="_blank">Portrayals of women in Amy Heckerling's "Clueless"</a>.</div>
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[cn: violence] <a href="http://tansyrr.com/tansywp/gender-ambivalence-the-women-of-westeros/" target="_blank">Tansy talks about the difficulty of being a feminist fan of 'A Game of Thrones' and the books they are based</a> on at <a href="http://tansyrr.com/">tansyrr.com</a></div>
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[cn: violence, rape culture] Deborah analyses recent media about the coverage of a rape in Hamilton at <a href="http://beefaerie.wordpress.com/">A Bee of a Certain Age</a> in <a href="http://beefaerie.wordpress.com/2013/05/10/today-in-rape-culture/">Today in rape culture</a>.</div>
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Scuba Nurse at <a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com/">The Hand Mirror</a> is disappointed by the latest Star Trek movie in Equality: <a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/equality-final-frontier.html">The final frontier?</a></div>
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Jo at <a href="http://alifeunexamined.wordpress.com/">A Life Unexamined</a> is heartened by the writers of The Big Bang Theory taking a turn towards <a href="http://alifeunexamined.wordpress.com/2013/05/10/taking-sheldon-and-amy-seriously/">Taking Sheldon and Amy Seriously.</a></div>
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[spoilers!] Racebending on <a href="http://hoydenabouttown.com/20130515.14064/racebending-on-star-trek-into-darkness/">Star Trek Into Darkness</a> by TigTog at <a href="http://hoydenabouttown.com/">Hoyden About Town</a>.</div>
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Kim at the <a href="http://newswithnipples.com/">news with nipples</a> ponders on reporting practices and <a href="http://newswithnipples.com/2013/05/14/the-ethics-of-re-writing-someones-personal-story/">The ethics of re-writing someone’s personal story</a>.</div>
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Gaayathri at <a href="http://ahumanstory.wordpress.com/">A Human Story</a> deconstructs a post by The Lesbian Mafia found on Storify in <a href="http://ahumanstory.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/the-lesbian-mafia-has-a-big-transphobia-problem/">The Lesbian Mafia Has a Big Transphobia Problem</a>.</div>
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The Body</h2>
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[cn: eating disorders, sizeism] Sleepydumpling writes about <a href="http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/fat-stigma-healthism-and-eating-disorders/" target="_blank">Fat Stigma, Healthism and Eating Disorders</a> at <a href="http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Fat Heffalump</a></div>
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ALRANZ on the <a href="http://alranz.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/gosnell-case-and-abortion-access/" target="_blank">Gosnell case as a reminder of why restrictive abortion laws must be overturned</a>.</div>
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[cn: fat hatred] A speech that Kath from <a href="http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/">Fat Heffalump</a> gave at UQ Women’s Collective Diversity Week event “Embracing our Bodies”: <a href="http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/2013/05/21/wait/">Wait...</a></div>
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[cn: reproductive coercion] Chrys Stevenson writes about her feelings about whether she would have an abortion, working with Catholics for Choice and the World Congress of Families Sydney in <a href="http://thatsmyphilosophy.wordpress.com/2013/05/17/a-smidgin-of-sophists-world-congress-of-families-sydney-2013/">A Smidgen of Sophists – World Congress of Families, Sydney 2013</a> at <a href="http://thatsmyphilosophy.wordpress.com/">Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear.</a></div>
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Kate Galloway considers the assisted reproduction industry and the source of human ova in <a href="http://katgallow.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/human-embryo-research-who-donates-eggs.html">Human Embryo Research: Who Donates the Eggs?</a> at <a href="http://katgallow.blogspot.com/">Curl</a>.</div>
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Chrys Stevenson says <a href="http://thatsmyphilosophy.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/lets-talk-about-bums/">Let's talk about bums</a> and the health thereof at <a href="http://thatsmyphilosophy.wordpress.com/">Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear.</a></div>
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[cn: alcohol, suicide] Cha at <a href="http://www.shallow-depths.com/">Shallow Depths</a> writes about Bientôt l'été - a virtual reality simulator - in <a href="http://www.shallow-depths.com/content/summers-gone">Summer's gone.</a></div>
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[cn: bullying] Bri at <a href="http://myscarlettheartt.com/">My Scarlett Heart</a> writes a touching poem about a yellow bikini: <a href="http://myscarlettheartt.com/?p=481">Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny</a></div>
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Jacqui Clark at <a href="http://www.settlepetal.org.au/">Settle Petal</a> wonders <a href="http://www.settlepetal.org.au/content/features/196_what_does_reproductive_freedon_look_like.html">What Does Reproductive Freedom Look Like?</a></div>
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Violence</h2>
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[cn: rape] Ana Australiana at <a href="http://xterrafirma.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">terra firma</a> is disappointed by Solidarity's response <a href="http://xterrafirma.wordpress.com/2013/04/24/holding-on/" target="_blank">Holding On</a>.</div>
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[cn: rape, rape culture] Jem at <a href="http://justokwhiteshark.wordpress.com/">Just OK White Shark</a> writes a letter: <a href="http://justokwhiteshark.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/dear-supporters-of-my-best-friends-rapist/">Dear supporters of my best friend’s rapist…</a></div>
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[cn: abuse] Jennifer writes: <a href="http://noplaceforsheep.com/2013/05/15/dear-clementine-ford-how-i-feel-when-you-talk-about-me/">Dear Clementine Ford. How I feel when you talk about me.</a> at <a href="http://noplaceforsheep.com/">No Place for Sheep.</a></div>
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History</h2>
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<a href="http://alranz.wordpress.com/2013/06/01/from-our-files-where-to-get-an-abortion-see-inside/" target="_blank">A look at the January 1978 edition of Broadsheet Magazine</a>, published just after the 1977 Contraception, Sterilisation and Abortion Act was passed, from ALRANZ.</div>
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Jo at <a href="http://alifeunexamined.wordpress.com/">A Life Unexamined</a> studies some historic women in <a href="https://alifeunexamined.wordpress.com/2013/05/17/patriarchy-past-and-present-the-case-of-ciceros-clodia/">Patriarchy Past and Present: The Case of Cicero’s Clodia</a>.</div>
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Linky collections</h2>
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<a href="http://tansyrr.com/tansywp/galactic-suburbia-81/" target="_blank">Galactic suburbia</a> and <a href="http://tansyrr.com/tansywp/friday-links-is-dressed-as-amelia-earhart/" target="_blank">Friday Links is Dressed as Amelia Earhart</a> at <a href="http://tansyrr.com/">tansyrr.com</a> </div>
Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-44254940426282652572013-06-02T18:20:00.003+10:002013-06-02T18:20:33.726+10:00Down Under Feminists' Carnival in progress!<a href="http://downunderfeministscarnival.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/logo.jpg?w=190&h=190" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://downunderfeministscarnival.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/logo.jpg?w=190&h=190" /></a>I'm currently compiling links from May for the 61st edition of the Down Under Feminists' Carnival.<br />
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Watch this space!Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-23281121119071228592012-09-13T10:02:00.002+10:002012-09-13T10:02:57.352+10:00Australia's Paid Parental Leave scheme is flawed<br />
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I was having a discussion with a group of people about Australia’s paid parental leave scheme, and we noticed that it is biased against families where the birth mother earns more than her partner. As someone who could potentially end up in this position in the future (depending on the timing of things and whatnot), I find this rather concerning.</div>
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The government webpage (<a class="cremed" href="http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/enablers/centrelink/paid-parental-leave-scheme/eligibility" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">http://www.humanservices.gov.<wbr></wbr>au/customer/enablers/<wbr></wbr>centrelink/paid-parental-<wbr></wbr>leave-scheme/eligibility</a>) says “If you are the birth mother of a newborn child or the initial primary carer of an adopted child, you must lodge the claim for Parental Leave Pay .... if you wish to return to work early, transfer some or all of your unused Parental Leave Pay …. The person to whom you transfer Parental Leave Pay must lodge a claim for the scheme and meet the eligibility criteria. This person cannot be eligible for the scheme if the birth mother or the initial primary carer of the adopted child is not eligible.”</div>
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This means that for the partner to participate in the scheme, both members of the couple need to pass the means test. For example, suppose there are two couples, A and B. Couple A's mother earns $80k annually and her partner earns $155k annually. Couple B reverses the salaries so that the mother earns $155k and her partner earns $80k. Couple A will be able to participate in the scheme, but couple B will not, despite the fact that the two couples have the same income.</div>
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I realise that it might be a rare thing these days for a couple to be in a situation where the mother earns more than her partner and the partner wants to be the initial primary caregiver of their child. But, just because it is a rare situation doesn't mean it is all right for the scheme to discriminate against those people. Since the scheme was, in part, implemented to encourage women to stay in the workforce, I find it surprising that it can penalise mothers who earn more than their partners.</div>
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In light of this, I recently lodged a complaint with the Department of Human Services. The woman I spoke to said she saw the hole in the system, and that the way these things get fixed is for people to lodge more complaints.</div>
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Please help get this fixed! You can lodge a complaint of your own here:</div>
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<a class="cremed" href="http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/information/feedback-complaints" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">http://www.humanservices.gov.<wbr></wbr>au/customer/information/<wbr></wbr>feedback-complaints</a></div>
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(phone number is 1800 132 0468 - select the option for centrelink)</div>
Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-61439056548214456512012-06-29T18:04:00.002+10:002012-06-29T18:04:33.742+10:00Crochet cuteI'm bored of posting on my blog only when something bad has happened.<br />
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So today, I present the crochet dog I made. Just because.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2BLRUQ0cy1mz5c6vNuHp_OrB6V_kW3SOf_Lcdi3cflo584sbT5e6zUTy-xDE9RKuTUXLKTc3uDInooLc9ZlIPrnutfzBMttOhgbtPahgFrVBinT7E0mVRMae0Qtrfu4MXVtxjeWgbc-w/s1600/IMG_20120628_090011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2BLRUQ0cy1mz5c6vNuHp_OrB6V_kW3SOf_Lcdi3cflo584sbT5e6zUTy-xDE9RKuTUXLKTc3uDInooLc9ZlIPrnutfzBMttOhgbtPahgFrVBinT7E0mVRMae0Qtrfu4MXVtxjeWgbc-w/s400/IMG_20120628_090011.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I'm very new to crochet, so I think I'm glad these things are small or I might have run out of patience. All the pieces are separate and are sewn together. The eyes and nose are safety eyes from Spotlight.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQlUsWtgMLEr8kcFLVXLrFDJiC6LEbpnnm_fcRcR0IXuuk4ozuhxxxSGm2hxfCfFSoV_7URotDiOTzfWBkTa3VjW86lKAJZudqsTcE1kUKVM30Ph0aSoifAtySO6-uKAUFGBs5Ayg7O0s/s1600/IMG_20120628_090025.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQlUsWtgMLEr8kcFLVXLrFDJiC6LEbpnnm_fcRcR0IXuuk4ozuhxxxSGm2hxfCfFSoV_7URotDiOTzfWBkTa3VjW86lKAJZudqsTcE1kUKVM30Ph0aSoifAtySO6-uKAUFGBs5Ayg7O0s/s1600/IMG_20120628_090025.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQlUsWtgMLEr8kcFLVXLrFDJiC6LEbpnnm_fcRcR0IXuuk4ozuhxxxSGm2hxfCfFSoV_7URotDiOTzfWBkTa3VjW86lKAJZudqsTcE1kUKVM30Ph0aSoifAtySO6-uKAUFGBs5Ayg7O0s/s1600/IMG_20120628_090025.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQlUsWtgMLEr8kcFLVXLrFDJiC6LEbpnnm_fcRcR0IXuuk4ozuhxxxSGm2hxfCfFSoV_7URotDiOTzfWBkTa3VjW86lKAJZudqsTcE1kUKVM30Ph0aSoifAtySO6-uKAUFGBs5Ayg7O0s/s1600/IMG_20120628_090025.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQlUsWtgMLEr8kcFLVXLrFDJiC6LEbpnnm_fcRcR0IXuuk4ozuhxxxSGm2hxfCfFSoV_7URotDiOTzfWBkTa3VjW86lKAJZudqsTcE1kUKVM30Ph0aSoifAtySO6-uKAUFGBs5Ayg7O0s/s400/IMG_20120628_090025.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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She is a little top-heavy, so she falls over with the slightest touch.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnkWY7AJpXPqhJEbYsDmrpYSqnjtKpRNjiJgXJspYocP3Gy7nFxT8WT9mAEriQLQxomExrO2wTi0mkv3iW4bCEU7MHaVEtRdfgzPtX0cj9hIUpkAc5MrWniQMvUP6VrT4coKMNYt5QBt4/s1600/IMG_20120628_090112.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: white; clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnkWY7AJpXPqhJEbYsDmrpYSqnjtKpRNjiJgXJspYocP3Gy7nFxT8WT9mAEriQLQxomExrO2wTi0mkv3iW4bCEU7MHaVEtRdfgzPtX0cj9hIUpkAc5MrWniQMvUP6VrT4coKMNYt5QBt4/s320/IMG_20120628_090112.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdML3awg60MgFkcVe6C1csKHN1eFrvN0qmdo2NCW3dAIn-kY4kpbN5KUfXglBZQ_ZU8HMmqsb_YXFH_ilh-khaZnEXVbzjOecxao6A5PeTLO0LDrdUZ-jcmmo_2UKkp_JQnmjsk4goRj8/s1600/IMG_20120628_090056.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdML3awg60MgFkcVe6C1csKHN1eFrvN0qmdo2NCW3dAIn-kY4kpbN5KUfXglBZQ_ZU8HMmqsb_YXFH_ilh-khaZnEXVbzjOecxao6A5PeTLO0LDrdUZ-jcmmo_2UKkp_JQnmjsk4goRj8/s320/IMG_20120628_090056.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Friends with the IKEA bulldog.Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-60525875895779301782012-06-24T03:13:00.001+10:002012-06-29T18:07:52.863+10:00Things not to do when waiting in line<br />
[Content note: violation of personal boundaries, also foul language]<br />
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Dear denizens of the internet,<br />
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In light of an incident which happened to me when waiting for a table in a restaurant tonight, I'd like to give everyone who needs it a not so gentle reminder of waiting in line etiquette.<br />
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If you are waiting in line for something, and there is a woman, who is reading something on her phone while waiting in the same line as you, do not go put your arm around her and ask her if you can watch porn with her on her phone.<br />
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Now I know this might seem like common sense, but if you're unsure of why you shouldn't do that, it's because you come off as a creepy fuckwad who is invading her personal space. You will be setting off a million red flags in her brain which are there to help her avoid entitled assholes who are dangerous to be around. Even if you don't think you're dangerous, that's still what will be happening, because she can't read your mind. She gets to decide what sort of behaviour seems dangerous to her, not you. Also, even if you are "just trying to be friendly" by doing such a thing, and you can't see that you're being incredibly intrusive and rude, you're an idiot. If you can, and you don't care, then by gods you're a bigger jerkface than anyone could have predicted.<br />
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If you can't think of other things to do while you're waiting in line, try checking your own phone. Or talking to the group of friends you're with. Or staring at the ceiling. Or attempting to start a polite conversation that isn't about a sexually charged subject with a stranger. Or anything else that doesn't involve inserting yourself into somebody else's personal space without their permission.<br />
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If you do somehow find yourself in the embarrassing situation of having already put your arm around a woman who is a stranger to you, and she says "don't touch me", one thing you absolutely do not do is direct your apology to another man who happens to be standing near her. Most especially you do not apologise for "stepping on his toes".<br />
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I would have thought that this seems like common sense, but if somebody says to you "don't touch me", you generally apologise to the person you touched. There isn't anyone else to apologise to, since you are have invaded that person's boundaries, and nobody else's. A woman is not the property of her male partner or father, so you are not breaching any of their boundaries by touching her without their permission. A woman who goes out in public without her (male) partner or her father is not "free game to whatever to with impunity because she's out without an owner", because she owns herself. I really shouldn't have to remind anybody of this, but pre-school 101 still applies: keep your hands to yourself.<br />
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If somehow you're managed to invade a woman's personal space, and then apologise to the wrong person, and she and the group of people she's with get angry at you, you should know that "I was just trying to be friendly" and "I was just joking around" are not justifications for your behaviour. There is no justification. You don't get to touch people if they don't want it. That goes for everyone. If somehow you've got this far into the situation, and you're still trying to defend yourself, all I can say is "dig up, fool!". You've just perpetuated a nasty bit of retrograde sexism and rape culture which claims that women do not own their own bodies. You should be ashamed of yourself.Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-68238442235695266122012-04-29T00:15:00.002+10:002012-04-29T00:15:55.320+10:00A response<br />Receive article suggestion from university friend that I "might find interesting" (read infuriating), and much typing is done in procrastination.<br /> <br />Article: <a href="http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fpostmasculine.com%2Fwhy-im-not-a-feminist&h=ZAQF3eQik">http://postmasculine.com/why-im-not-a-feminist</a> <div>
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(Yeah, I didn't think it was going to be good, but I wanted to respond)<br /><div>
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<br />So what I'm getting from that article is<br /><br />"citation needed on your rape statistic [1]",<br /><br />"I call bullshit on genetic differences in spatial reasoning and emotional intelligence, that's learned behaviour (so very difficult to measure a genetic effect), and <i>citation needed</i>",<br /><br />"Good, you're a nice guy who doesn't rape people. Have a cookie.",<br /><br />"I call bullshit on rape being universally condemned, for sure it is in name, but actions speak louder than words. [2]. Also you just described rape culture in your refutation of it existence. Whoops!",<br /><br />"feminism has accomplished all it's goals? ROFL NO, explain the dearth of women in power in the upper levels of politics, business, etc, and excluding women who take time off to be a mother doesn't correct anything, why aren't men doing that too? Why is it that women on average still have a much smaller economic power than men?",<br /><br />"wait, we have full reproductive rights? I guess the odious Right to Life [sic] group isn't actually trying to take away women's right to their own body or anything, also like, everything that's happening in American politics right now, and the 7-year court case the Right to Life [sic] group has been having with the NZ justice system to try and take away our rights to control our own body. Also New Zealand's abortion law is still in the crimes act. Yes, there's clearly not any need to advocate for reproductive rights anywhere in the west any more [3]",<br /><br />"LOL you think the current justice system actually deals with rape well. Yes, for all other crimes it's debated that it wasn't a crime at all because of your past actions. Like, you gave away a present once, that means that you didn't get robbed, you just gave the robber a gift! LOL of course that doesn't happen", and<br /><br />"I think you don't understand the point of the Slut Walk. It protests the idea that women "deserve" rape if they wear "provocative" clothing, which is something you claim to support",<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />TL;DR: The article seems not very well informed, even though I'll admit that it is better than most things that come out of the "manosphere". Comment #3 by Paul has some good points, and later Mark Neil also makes an informative comment.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />[1] If you want some real statistics on rape, it's estimated at 18%, not 8%, using a very narrow definition of rape (this number only includes rapes by force or impairment using substances. Rape via coercion is listed separately at 13%). (This is from a US perspective, but the culture there is not so dissimilar from here). This is from 2010 results of the The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey from the US Center for Disease Control (pdf):<a href="http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Executive_Summary-a.pdf">http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Executive_Summary-a.pdf</a><br /><br />Fact sheet about victims and perpetrators of rape and sexual assault from the University of Massachusetts (pdf):<a href="http://www2.binghamton.edu/counseling/documents/RAPE_FACT_SHEET1.pdf">http://www2.binghamton.edu/counseling/documents/RAPE_FACT_SHEET1.pdf</a><br /><br /><br />[2] You know, I'd type it all out and add more references, but Melissa McEwan's done it for me.<a href="http://www.shakesville.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html">http://www.shakesville.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html</a><br /><br />Also, even if rape weren't so common in western society, the way it's held over women to generate fear would be a problem in itself. See this thread for some examples of how the threat of rape curtails women's daily movements:<a href="http://www.shakesville.com/2008/10/feminism-101.html">http://www.shakesville.com/2008/10/feminism-101.html</a><br /><br /><br />[3] Read any news relating to the American Republican Party, and their promises to "overturn abortion" and "fight contraception" and their all-male panel on contraception.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.shakesville.com/2012/02/year-2012.html">http://www.shakesville.com/2012/02/year-2012.html</a><br /><br /><a href="http://swampland.time.com/2012/02/14/rick-santorum-wants-to-fight-the-dangers-of-contraception/">http://swampland.time.com/2012/02/14/rick-santorum-wants-to-fight-the-dangers-of-contraception/</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.shakesville.com/2012/03/number-of-day_28.html">http://www.shakesville.com/2012/03/number-of-day_28.html</a><br /><br /><a href="http://floridaindependent.com/75483/rick-scott-rape-crisis-centers">http://floridaindependent.com/75483/rick-scott-rape-crisis-centers</a><br /><br />Right to Life [sic] (RTL) v Abortion Supervisory Committee (ASC) court case:<br /><br /><a href="http://alranz.wordpress.com/2012/03/22/abortion-access-back-in-the-dock-part-2/">http://alranz.wordpress.com/2012/03/22/abortion-access-back-in-the-dock-part-2/</a><ul class="uiList" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
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</div>Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-11064043603285520512012-04-03T20:39:00.001+10:002012-04-03T20:40:29.613+10:00Love letters<div><p>I've been very tempted to add the following to my profile at work recently: </p>
<p>If you're about to send me a love letter, or a note telling me you like me, or similar, stop.</p>
<p>It's very unlikely that it is appropriate to use your work email to do so, and if you don't have a personal address to send it to, then you probably don't know me well enough anyway.</p>
<p>Seriously, I'm flattered that y'all think I'm cool, but fuck off.</p>
<p>Case in point. </p>
<p>I won't really put that up, but seriously, I would have thought guys would have enough sense to realise that that's probably not a good idea.</p>
</div>Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-13117678221272703002012-03-05T22:51:00.003+11:002012-03-06T09:31:22.374+11:00When will you stop being a feminist?<div><div>
When there is no net advantage to being a man or a woman in society. When nobody is telling me what I can and can't do with my body, and when it is my own to do with as I please (without anyone touching me without my permission). When my reproductive organs don't tell you anything about my personality, or why I might be disagreeable at any given time. When the number if sexual partners I've had is a non-issue. When becoming a mother does not put me in a position of weakness (with respect to a male partner or in society in general) and when it does not damage my career. When I can automatically be assumed competent in the workplace until proven otherwise, and likewise men in the home. When the rate of family violence is very low, and there is no shame in speaking about it, and rare cases are fairly and equally tried. When the rate of sexual violence is lowered, and there is no shame in speaking about it, and the rare cases of it are fairly and equally tried. When there is no longer a wage gap. When our leadership actually represents women and minorities, and does so with respect and upholds everyone's human rights. When women are properly represented in popular media. When being a homemaker is not to be looked down upon. When "you're such a girl" makes no sense as an insult.<br />
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I could go on. But most importantly, when all of this is true for every person on the planet.<br />
Sadly, this is unlikely to happen in my lifetime. That doesn't mean I can't begin laying foundations towards a better future for the next generation. </div></div>Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-13851543877685506162012-03-04T23:20:00.000+11:002012-03-04T23:20:19.333+11:00On romantic gesturesOne thing that I find a little strange about dating is how some men feel like they need to make particular types of romantic gestures to earn my affection. Things like buying me flowers and jewelry. I don't have particular objections to flowers and jewelry, they just seem... kind of useless to me.<br />
<br />
I'm not a huge wearer of jewelry (it somehow rarely occur to me to do so, even though I have a reasonable stash of mostly costume jewelry that I've acquired in various ways over the years). I also have a habit of breaking/losing things too, so then I feel kind of pressured into wearing this <i>thing</i>... often which I don't even necessarily think is that pretty, and then worry about losing it, or breaking it by forgetting to take it off before sleeping or showering.<br />
<br />
Flowers... well they die. <i>And</i> you have to look after them for a while before they do so. Also they have a habit of making a mess and smelling bad before you get around to throwing them out. It's doubly annoying when the giver of the flowers hasn't even bothered to find out what sort of flowers I like first. (Red roses, especially when packaged with baby's breath, immediately come to mind. I'm not much of a fan because they were my grandmother's favourite, and I buy them to put on her grave sometimes, so they mostly just remind me of her. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it's probably not what a giver of flowers is intending with them.)<br />
<br />
Another thing that bothers me a little bit about this sort of stuff early in a relationship is the feeling that I might owe somebody something for this... like, what do they expect to get out of giving me things? Should I give them something back? Are they asserting some kind of ownership by marking me or my desk with very stereotypical items of romance?<br />
<br />
Or are they just doing it because they feel like they should because that stuff always works on TV and in the media? (You know, just like how women are the hive mind and all like the same things, and the media is always an accurate representation... yeah something like that.) Is it like, they think that they're supposed to "just know" what I like without asking me (and maybe that I'd be annoyed by being asked), so they're falling back on the obvious (and stereotypical)? I mean, if I was asked, I'd probably say I didn't want anything for my birthday/christmas/valentines day/<insert other event here>. And I'd really be fine with no present, or non-object things like spending some extra time together, or cuddles, or food. Seriously... I'd really prefer that over wasting money on things I don't care that much about any day.Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-13899755050311981842012-02-11T19:01:00.001+11:002012-02-15T19:58:41.818+11:00Forty-Fifth Down Under Feminists Carnival<br />
Hello! I've finally finished compiling the Forty-Fifth edition of the Down Under Feminists Carnival! This edition contains 57 feminist posts from bloggers living Australia and New Zealand, written and submitted to me in January 2012.<br />
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Thank you all for the submissions - it's been really good getting submissions on blogs I haven't read. It's been very hard to decide on two posts per blogger - there are so many excellent writers out there! My apologies for being slow - in addition to having a bunch of work commitments show up at the last minute, I've been having a few issues with blogger. Also I did this gradually and may have forgotten to make notes of which links should have content notes/trigger warnings. I've also tried to categorise everything, but of course many pieces don't fit nicely in boxes. Please let me know anything I've missed/got wrong in the comments.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Media</span><br />
Good Gravey takes apart a panicky NZ Herald article about how many takeaways women eat.<br />
<a href="http://goodgravey.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/get-back-in-the-kitchen-huh/">http://goodgravey.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/get-back-in-the-kitchen-huh/</a><br />
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You are doing that wrong compares the movie posters for the American and Swedish versions of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.<br />
<a href="http://youaredoingthatwrong.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/the-girl-with-the-dragon-tattoo-movie-posters-are-you-serious/">http://youaredoingthatwrong.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/the-girl-with-the-dragon-tattoo-movie-posters-are-you-serious/</a><br />
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Blue Milk writes a detailed analysis of the 2011 and 1971 versions Straw Dogs, centering around the rape scene. </div>
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[Content note for discussion of sexual violence]</div>
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<a href="http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/rape-scenes-and-how-i-watched-straw-dogs-2011-and-1971/">http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/rape-scenes-and-how-i-watched-straw-dogs-2011-and-1971/</a></div>
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Anna at Larvatus Prodeo talks about the Melinda Tankard Reist debate.</div>
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<a href="http://larvatusprodeo.net/2012/01/18/its-complicated/">http://larvatusprodeo.net/2012/01/18/its-complicated/</a></div>
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Melinda Tankard Reist doesn't speak for Helen at the Cast Iron Balcony either.</div>
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<a href="http://www.castironbalcony.com/2012/01/16/melinda-tankard-reist-doesnt-speak-for-me/">http://www.castironbalcony.com/2012/01/16/melinda-tankard-reist-doesnt-speak-for-me/</a><br />
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Gladly the Cross-Eyed Bear writes a satiric argument in favour of exorcisms in response to an article against homosexuals and same-sex marriage.<br />
<a href="http://thatsmyphilosophy.wordpress.com/2012/01/25/an-argument-in-favour-of-exorcisms-in-the-spirit-of-margaret-court/">http://thatsmyphilosophy.wordpress.com/2012/01/25/an-argument-in-favour-of-exorcisms-in-the-spirit-of-margaret-court/</a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Bodies</span></div>
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Jo talks about the effects of "The Biggest Loser"s "Learn to Love Yourself" slogan.</div>
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<a href="http://alifeunexamined.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/love-yourself-but-only-if/">http://alifeunexamined.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/love-yourself-but-only-if/</a></div>
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Megan Wegan at Craft is the New Black is angry and articulate about a Slate article claiming that "small breasts could make a comeback".</div>
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<a href="http://meganwegan.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/rage-inducing-discussions-of-breasts/">http://meganwegan.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/rage-inducing-discussions-of-breasts/</a></div>
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Elizabeth at My Spilt Milk talks about motherhood and breastfeeding, and recent media representations thereof.</div>
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<a href="http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/breastfeeding-support-less-is-not-more/">http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/breastfeeding-support-less-is-not-more/</a></div>
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Jo at A Life Unexamined would like people to stop thinking her body is about them.<br />
<a href="http://alifeunexamined.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/my-body-is-not-there-for-your-entertainment/">http://alifeunexamined.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/my-body-is-not-there-for-your-entertainment/</a></div>
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Julie Goodwin responds to predictable commentary on her health after wearing swimmers on a cover of New Idea magazine.<br />
<a href="http://www.juliegoodwin.com.au/blog/?p=1028">http://www.juliegoodwin.com.au/blog/?p=1028</a><br />
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Sleepy Dumpling at Fat Heffalump talks about talking to Target Australia about their plus-size clothing range.<br />
<a href="http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/2012/01/15/talking-to-target-australia/">http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/2012/01/15/talking-to-target-australia/</a><br />
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Sleepy Dumpling at Fat Heffalump is here to let everyone know that nobody needs to explain their body to anyone. (by the way, Fat Heffalump is awesome. I highly recommend reading)</div>
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<a href="http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/its-over-no-more-flogging-the-dead-horse/">http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/its-over-no-more-flogging-the-dead-horse/</a></div>
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Kelly guest posts at My Spilt Milk writes about how disappointing the dominant discourse on obesity and "eating healthily" is.</div>
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<a href="http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/guest-post-missing-the-mark/">http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/guest-post-missing-the-mark/</a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Parenting</span><br />
The News with Nipples is disappointed by the media misrepresenting the Teenage Parent Trial as for teenage mothers only.<br />
<a href="http://newswithnipples.com/2012/01/04/parenting-fun-for-the-whole-family-unless-youre-a-journalist/">http://newswithnipples.com/2012/01/04/parenting-fun-for-the-whole-family-unless-youre-a-journalist/</a><br />
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Penni Russon wrote a poem about breastfeeding.<br />
<a href="http://eglantinescake.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/breastfeeding.html">http://eglantinescake.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/breastfeeding.html</a><br />
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Blue Milk writes about her daughter and how girls learn to live in a sexist culture.<br />
<a href="http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/learning-to-live-as-a-girl-in-a-very-sexist-culture/">http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/learning-to-live-as-a-girl-in-a-very-sexist-culture/</a><br />
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Elizabeth at My Spilt Milk writes about how she finds solace in giving and receiving kindness from and to her mother and daughter.<br />
<a href="http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/2012/01/05/mother-daughter/">http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/2012/01/05/mother-daughter/</a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Disability</span><br />
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WillowDove writes a call for action for the International Day of People with Disability.</div>
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<a href="http://willowdove.com/blog/2012/01/02/the-email-i-wrote-for-international-day-last-year/">http://willowdove.com/blog/2012/01/02/the-email-i-wrote-for-international-day-last-year/</a></div>
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Lauredhel raises a resounding "what?" to a legal ruling that let Jetstar off the hook after refusing to allow Sheila King on a flight because there were already two people requiring wheelchair assistance on it.</div>
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<a href="http://lauredhel.dreamwidth.org/674372.html">http://lauredhel.dreamwidth.org/674372.html</a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Trans*</span></div>
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Good Gravey has things to say about the Libra fail and how to give apologies.<br />
<a href="http://goodgravey.wordpress.com/2012/01/05/apologies-apologies/">http://goodgravey.wordpress.com/2012/01/05/apologies-apologies/</a><br />
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Anthea at The Hand Mirror points out how dangerous the common failtastic trans* narrative in the media is.<br />
<a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/deceit.html">http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/deceit.html</a><br />
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Kassie Hartendorp guest posts about Libra's transphobic ad at The Hand Mirror.<br />
<a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/guest-post-transphobictampons-its-not.html">http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/guest-post-transphobictampons-its-not.html</a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Books</span><br />
TigTog at Hoyden About Town links to an article which reflects a little on how the privileging of male narratives over female starts at school.<br />
<a href="http://hoydenabouttown.com/20120117.11182/the-reading-iceberg-promoting-serious-male-narratives-over-trivial-female-narratives-starts-at-school/">http://hoydenabouttown.com/20120117.11182/the-reading-iceberg-promoting-serious-male-narratives-over-trivial-female-narratives-starts-at-school/</a><br />
<a href="http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/books/a-womans-place-20120113-1pyoa.html#ixzz1jaf7BXw6">http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/books/a-womans-place-20120113-1pyoa.html#ixzz1jaf7BXw6</a><br />
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Kerryn at Still Life With Cat has put together a list of ten random legendary bad girls of literature. There are even more good examples in the comments.<br />
<a href="http://stilllifewithcat.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/ten-legendary-bad-girls-of-literature.html">http://stilllifewithcat.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/ten-legendary-bad-girls-of-literature.html</a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sexuality</span></div>
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Chally at Zero at the Bone discusses how we disappear children's sexualities, and what that means for queer sexualities.</div>
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<a href="http://zeroatthebone.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/sexuality-queerness-and-childrens-knowledge-about-themselves/">http://zeroatthebone.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/sexuality-queerness-and-childrens-knowledge-about-themselves/</a><br />
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Max Rose guest posts at The Lady Garden about his experiences with non-monogamous relationships.<br />
<a href="http://theladygarden.org/2012/01/06/guest-post-polywhaterous/">http://theladygarden.org/2012/01/06/guest-post-polywhaterous/</a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Race</span></div>
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Queen Emily talks about the racism embedded in Australia Day celebrations.</div>
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<a href="http://hoydenabouttown.com/20120126.11237/hating-australia-day-from-afar/">http://hoydenabouttown.com/20120126.11237/hating-australia-day-from-afar/</a></div>
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Kim at He Hōaka is bemused by what sort of things the New Zealand government says it can afford.</div>
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<a href="http://starspangledrodeo.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/cant-afford-justice.html">http://starspangledrodeo.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/cant-afford-justice.html</a></div>
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Chally at Zero at the Bone writes about reading about race from white and non-white authors as a non-white reader, and her responses to such texts. (yes, this is the third one, but I really couldn't pick two lol)</div>
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<a href="http://zeroatthebone.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/race-and-the-non-white-reader/">http://zeroatthebone.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/race-and-the-non-white-reader/</a><br />
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stargazer talks about national days and how they promote racism and discourage global thinking.<br />
<a href="http://kiwistargazer.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/26-january.html">http://kiwistargazer.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/26-january.html</a><br />
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A guest poster at The Hand Mirror reviews Colonising Myths—Māori Realities: He Rukuruku Whakaaro.<br />
<a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/guest-post-review-colonising-mythsmaori.html">http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/guest-post-review-colonising-mythsmaori.html</a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Reproductive Rights</span></div>
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Captiver at the ALRANZ blog takes on the idea that abortion is the cause of moral decline.<br />
<a href="http://alranz.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/from-our-files-moral-decline-still-just-around-the-corner/">http://alranz.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/from-our-files-moral-decline-still-just-around-the-corner/</a><br />
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[Trigger warning: sexual violence] Queen of Thorns points out the big difference in the meaning of a headline when one word is removed.<br />
<a href="http://ideologicallyimpure.wordpress.com/2012/01/11/the-power-of-a-missing-word-texas-forced-pregnancy-edition/">http://ideologicallyimpure.wordpress.com/2012/01/11/the-power-of-a-missing-word-texas-forced-pregnancy-edition/</a></div>
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[Content note: discussions of theoretical rape scenarios] LudditeJourno writes about using the terms unwanted, coerced and forced sex when exploring how how somebody understands an experience.</div>
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<a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/rape-by-any-other-name.html">http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/rape-by-any-other-name.html</a><br />
<br />
bluebec boggles at the statistics quoted by Melinda Tankard Reist, and investigates the study she got them from.<br />
<a href="http://blogs.bluebec.com/lies-damn-lies-and-statistics/">http://blogs.bluebec.com/lies-damn-lies-and-statistics/</a><br />
<br />
Blue Milk talks about why "pro-life"is anti-feminist.<br />
<a href="http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/lets-cut-to-the-chase-why-pro-life-is-anti-feminist/">http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/lets-cut-to-the-chase-why-pro-life-is-anti-feminist/</a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sex Work</span></div>
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Jane at Because I'm a Whore explains her choice to use the word "whore" for herself.<br />
<a href="http://becauseimawhore.com/2012/01/05/i-am-a-whore/">http://becauseimawhore.com/2012/01/05/i-am-a-whore/</a><br />
<br />
QoT writes about the panic over residential brothels.<br />
<a href="http://ideologicallyimpure.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/residential-brothels-the-hint-is-in-the-name/">http://ideologicallyimpure.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/residential-brothels-the-hint-is-in-the-name/</a><br />
<br />
Dorothy Dentata guest posts at The Lady Garden in response to a Dominion Post article shaming sex work.<br />
<a href="http://theladygarden.org/2012/01/29/guest-post-dear-rosemary/">http://theladygarden.org/2012/01/29/guest-post-dear-rosemary/</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Society</span><br />
Ms Eloise talks about being the "Feminist Friend" in a group.<br />
<a href="http://feminaust.org/2012/01/11/the-feminist-friend/">http://feminaust.org/2012/01/11/the-feminist-friend/</a><br />
<br />
Chally at Zero at the Bone writes about feeling like a failure when she didn't call out someone's sexist behaviour and how that guilt is part of the same coin that blames women for existing.<br />
<a href="http://zeroatthebone.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/youre-never-to-blame-for-someone-doing-wrong-to-you/">http://zeroatthebone.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/youre-never-to-blame-for-someone-doing-wrong-to-you/</a><br />
<br />
Scuba Nurse at The Hand Mirror writes about how it's sometimes intimidating for a newbie feminist to comment in a feminist space.<br />
<a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/lurking.html">http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/lurking.html</a><br />
<br />
bluebec rebuts the trope that people choose to be offended about things.<br />
<a href="http://blogs.bluebec.com/responsibility/">http://blogs.bluebec.com/responsibility/</a><br />
<br />
Rachel Rayner guest posts at The Hand Mirror about cupcakes, and how they seem to be becoming obligatory at feminist events.<br />
<a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/guestie-of-cupcakes-and-feminism.html">http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/guestie-of-cupcakes-and-feminism.html</a><br />
<br />
Emma at The Lady Garden writes about how we commodify "love" and "sex".<br />
<a href="http://theladygarden.org/2012/01/05/not-just-cause-you-insisted/">http://theladygarden.org/2012/01/05/not-just-cause-you-insisted/</a><br />
<br />
(A late addition!) Not big on dignity writes a personal account explaining why living as a woman means being a warrior.<br />
<a href="http://notbigondignity.wordpress.com/2012/01/28/all-our-lives/">http://notbigondignity.wordpress.com/2012/01/28/all-our-lives/</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Guides and 101s</span><br />
Mary at Hoyden About Town writes a helpful guide to soliciting research participants.<br />
<a href="http://hoydenabouttown.com/20120108.10701/marys-helpful-guide-to-soliciting-research-participation-on-the-net/">http://hoydenabouttown.com/20120108.10701/marys-helpful-guide-to-soliciting-research-participation-on-the-net/</a><br />
<br />
<div>
Tammi Jonas talks about responses to responses to disagreement, and the comments talk about the above twitter exchange.</div>
<div>
<a href="http://www.tammijonas.com/2012/01/04/on-dissent-and-intellectual-honesty/">http://www.tammijonas.com/2012/01/04/on-dissent-and-intellectual-honesty/</a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Scubanurse talks about the concept of spoon theory in relation to feminism.<br />
<a href="http://history-herstory-scubanurse.blogspot.com/2012/01/feminism-101-spoons-as-concept.html">http://history-herstory-scubanurse.blogspot.com/2012/01/feminism-101-spoons-as-concept.html</a><br />
<br />
tallulahspankhead writes about sluts at The Lady Garden.<br />
<a href="http://theladygarden.org/2012/01/04/yet-another-fucking-101/">http://theladygarden.org/2012/01/04/yet-another-fucking-101/</a></div>
<br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Ada Camp</span></div>
<div>
Danielle at Scrambled Tofu reviews her experiences at Ada Camp and Haecksen.</div>
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<a href="http://blogs.gnome.org/danni/2012/01/17/adacamp-and-haecksen/">http://blogs.gnome.org/danni/2012/01/17/adacamp-and-haecksen/</a></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div>
Scmaltz on Wry attended Ada Camp and was inspired.</div>
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<a href="http://naomieve.tumblr.com/post/15979150280/adacamp-2012">http://naomieve.tumblr.com/post/15979150280/adacamp-2012</a></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Unsorted</span></div>
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<div>
Tammiois at Raw/Roar talks about morality and how it relates to our bodies and political views.</div>
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<a href="http://rawroar.net/2012/01/18/a-cosmopolitan-morality/">http://rawroar.net/2012/01/18/a-cosmopolitan-morality/</a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Imogen at Raw/Roar writes a moving account of her father's life and death, and the suffering of everyone involved.</div>
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[Content note - deals with the death of her father by suicide and family violence]</div>
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<a href="http://rawroar.net/2012/01/21/one-year-on/">http://rawroar.net/2012/01/21/one-year-on/</a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Sue Conde is the 20th of January's Friday Feminaust.<br />
<a href="http://feminaust.org/2012/01/20/friday-feminaust-sue-conde/">http://feminaust.org/2012/01/20/friday-feminaust-sue-conde/</a><br />
<br />
stargazer ponders the working conditions of a manicurist.<br />
<a href="http://kiwistargazer.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/soft-hands.html">http://kiwistargazer.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/soft-hands.html</a><br />
<br />
Some really interesting links at The Lady Garden.<br />
<a href="http://theladygarden.org/2012/01/21/sharing-the-love-25/">http://theladygarden.org/2012/01/21/sharing-the-love-25/</a><br />
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</div>Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-9043407824014119002012-02-04T22:49:00.002+11:002012-02-04T22:49:44.033+11:00Blog noteI'm working on putting together the DUFC this weekend, so keep watching this space. I've got a pretty busy week ahead of me (work commitments), so hopefully I'll get it done soonish.Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-52268954287414045762012-01-27T23:09:00.001+11:002012-01-27T23:09:24.507+11:00On talking feminism<br />
I love having everyone engaged in conversations. However, when discussing feminism, I often end up having the same conversation, again and again.<br />
<br />
It could be with a man or a woman, who is often intelligent and educated and interested with the world around them. It's rather tedious to go through the basics of why women deserve equality, why women are equally intelligent to men, how consent is a good thing etc etc over and over.<br />
<br />
The conversation usually gets heated, because someone is being asked to look at things with a different perspective than the one the dominant culture prescribes. Then since I don't always know the answers and I'm not exactly the most eloquent person around, I end up spending a lot of energy explaining what I mean and why what the other person said wasn't helpful/wasn't new/was completely wrong, and finding resources to back me up.<br />
<br />
This conversation, quite honestly, is nearly always exhausting for me. Me being me, I have a tendency to avoid it for as long as possible, whether or not that is really to my benefit.<br />
<br />
Sometimes though, I like to poke the status quo, and see if I can disturb it a little. Say, by posting a link I find useful to <insert social media site here>. Usually, because the filtering I have on who gets to see my stuff on social media, this begets some good and educational conversation. Unfortunately, there's almost always one who misses the point/feels like being a smartass.<br />
<br />
Now, that would be OK if they weren't obnoxious about it and listened to what I'm saying to them. Usually, though, they get defensive, and escalate the discussion by objecting to my arguments on the point I disagree with them for, especially by taking the arguments very personally, becoming defensive and presenting absurd hyperboles which are not at all what I'm trying to say (for example, "please don't do that [say the tone of X feminist article was too angry]" has been interpreted as "you should never talk about any of sexism, racism, homophobia etc because I'm a straight, white man")<br />
<br />
As an FYI, if I ask you to stop doing something in a particular conversation. STOP. Think about it for a while. If you're still confused, and you are close enough to me to be able to talk to me in private or private message me, do so. Every message or unquestioning spouting of mainstream opinion which continues the conversation in my space after I've asked you to stop just makes me think you're a bigger douchebag than before.<br />
<br />
Well. At least conversations like these places an extra filter on who I should include in my life/on my social media when that happens. Let it be known that I'm judging all of you by your response to stuff ups.Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-66739294370610911762012-01-22T14:35:00.003+11:002012-01-22T15:08:45.971+11:00Tone argumentsI've been considering whether or not I should post this, because the person it concerns knows of this existence of this blog, but what the hell. The person this post concerns has probably already written me off as some kind of crazy bitch who is dismissing him because he's a man, rather than disagreeing with him over the relevance of a particular type of argument in a discussion. And for the record, I absolutely believe that men should be involved in discussions of feminism. They just need to actually listen to what women are saying before they speak. Yeesh.<br />
<br />
----<br />
<br />
[This post contains sarcasm]<br />
<br />
I was having a bit of a discussion about <a href="http://www.blogher.com/i-just-want-go-walk" target="_blank">this</a> post with some people on Facebook, until one guy I know decided to tell us all about how he thought the way the post was written was wrong. In his opinion, this post was written in a way which will "make guys become angry and spiteful". Apparently "it's such a shame she "just" wrote a rant post when she has "such a large" audience".<br />
<br />
Oh my, haven't we heard that one before. Time to invoke the spoiling the afternoon part of the <a href="http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/08/terrible-bargain-we-have-regretfully.html" target="_blank">Terrible Bargain</a>, and see what happens?<br />
<br />
I gave him the 2-second 101 "it's not about you or "the guys", and she can write however she damn well pleases because there will always be <i>somebody</i> who gets pissed off. I ask him to please not derail my discussion.<br />
<br />
Too late. Totally unpredictably, he gets defensive and escalates his derail.<br />
<br />
Apparently, he's "simply" discussing how the blog "could have been better", and I'm derailing "his" discussion by saying "please don't do that". Apparently there's no "big picture" where he's trying to derail "the system".<br />
<br />
What is this I don't even ...?<br />
<br />
Better for whom? Him? Because well... the author of the post obviously knows who he is and how to write in a way that will make him happy. Oh. Whose wall are we having this discussion on again? There's no big picture where women's opinions are often dismissed because they're too angry, too nice, too emotional, too detached, too simplistic, too complicated... really?<br />
<br />
Apparently now I'm dismissing his opinion by telling him to stay on topic or I will remove his comments. Apparently I should let discussions on my facebook wall go on whatever tangent they go, regardless of whether I like where it's going. Yes, his derail is now 100% complete.<br />
<br />
Welcome to <a href="http://www.observationwindow.org/2011/12/the-tone-argument-a-101/" target="_blank">The Tone Argument 101</a>, posted on my wall with a tag for each of the derailer and his supporters (people who "liked" his posts). Of course, this is the opportune time to make a new tone argument; about how he think's I've been too harsh on him because he's a man (I asked him to check his privilege when talking about women's writing) and wah wah wah, it's all about him and his hurt feelings and how he's a feminist so I should shut up and listen to him.<br />
<br />
Yes, that's totally how it works. Oh wait. No it isn't. In the slightest.<br />
<br />
I know someone who doesn't know how to stop digging. Because. Because.<br />
<br />
He has a problem when people want to end an argument "suddenly". Apparently I shouldn't direct comments on my facebook wall, and let people go off on whatever tangent they like. And wah wah wah, yes, it's still about how I'm derailing him, in a conversation I started on my wall. And about how "I'm right and he's wrong". And asking me if he should "just stop talking about feminism and sexism and homophobia and racism" etc and make all topics taboo". (As if! But you should listen to women, and homosexual people, and people of colour when you do talk about those things!)<br />
<br />
Yeahhhhh.<br />
<br />
Apparently I'm the one being angry and defensive. All for saying "please don't do that".<br />
<br />
Yikes.Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-85426589460247175232012-01-17T20:23:00.001+11:002012-01-22T15:08:23.862+11:00A guy friend of mine recently started calling every female friend of his "sweetheart" and "darling". Gah! Here's my opinion (<a href="http://maybeitmeansnothing.blogspot.com/2010/11/no-you-may-not-call-me-sweetheart.html" target="_blank">again</a>!) on people shouldn't do this:<br />
<br />
It's overly familiar. This is the sort of language used to talk with a partner. People don't just get to be familiar with another person because of some combination of their genders. People have to earn that privilege. To behave as though someone is close to when they're not is to presume that you already know what they are comfortable with, which is a dangerous assumption to make.<br />
<br />
It's patronizing. It's something you might use to talk with a small child. Need I say more?<br />
<br />
It suggests entitlement. Entitlement of my affection, or entitlement to receive their affection. Which is hella creepy.<br />
<br />
Ugh.Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-64818444882370031942012-01-15T00:52:00.001+11:002012-01-15T00:54:38.623+11:00Forty-fifth Down Under Feminists CarnivalI'm going to be hosting February's edition of the Down Under Feminists Carnival, hooray! Please send submissions via email as the <a href="http://blogcarnival.com/bc/submit_4257.html">blogcarnival submissions form</a> is still not working. Submissions to wilddamon [at] gmail [dot] com.<br />
<br />
Submissions must be of posts of feminist interest by writers from Australia and New Zealand that were published in January. I'll close submissions on February 2nd, so please submit your links by then! Spread the word!<br />
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<br />Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-90327652683582361822012-01-11T14:04:00.000+11:002012-01-15T02:03:40.573+11:00NoooI think I might suppose to be pleased that a coworker gave me a rose and with a sweet little note. All I'm thinking is "nooooo, not again!".Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-13479175424229872712011-12-18T10:25:00.001+11:002011-12-18T10:27:53.376+11:00"you should have punched him in the face"[TW for harassment and discussion of real and imagined violence]<br />
<br />
Ok, so I've been known to talk about the time a guy cornered and then leaned over me, so I punched him in the face. Whatever. That was an appropriate action to deal with that particular guy in that particular situation. It had the desired effect of getting him away from me immediately.<br />
<br />
Fast forward in time to now. I went to the Opeth concert at the Enmore Theatre on Friday night, and holycrap the audience was obnoxious. People were yelling for the band to "play metal", and other people were yelling at the yellers to "shut the fuck up". People also threw a few bottles onto the stage. I'm not sure whether the "play metal" yellers had been listening to the concert... perhaps they were mis-informed of what "metal" is. In any case, the band usually has a setlist they go through. I suppose some bands take requests from the crowd, but getting mad when they don't play your personal request smacks of an incredible sense of entitlement.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the final piece of obnoxiousness that I wanted to talk about was the guy behind me who kept touching my ass.<br />
<br />
(Seriously dude. WTF was that about? What exactly do you get from lightly stroking the back of my jeans?)<br />
<br />
There are two main questions/comments I've got from people I've talked to about it: Did I report it and maybe I should have hit him. (Is my faith in humanity so low that I'm mildly surprised (and glad) that none of my (male) friends have questioned that it really happened?)<br />
<br />
I'm pretty sure that if I'd tried to report that to someone (assuming I knew who to tell and could pick out the random dude standing behind me in the dark), I'd be unlikely to be believed or blown off. Assuming I was believed, if they questioned the guy, he'd probably have sudden onset of amnesia, and/or claim it must have been an accident, because it was crowded and everything. Further assuming that authorities decided to believe me, I don't even know what action is appropriate in this case...<br />
<br />
The second common response was a variation on "why didn't you hit him?". There are many reasons for this one; he was much bigger and taller than me, so if he hit me back I'd be in big trouble. Starting a fight with someone stronger than you is generally a bad idea. He may or may not have socialisation against hitting women, however I don't know which, and he was drunk, lowering any inhibitions he might have anyway. Secondly, the crowd was already ready to brawl. I wouldn't want to be the first to start that. I just wanted to watch the damn concert without obnoxiousness from the crowd. Thirdly, where would he go after I hit him? We're standing in a crowd thick with people. If I hit him and it doesn't cause him to leave, then he's... still standing behind me. (Say I hit him, and he's not hurt and laughs it off, and stays standing where he is.) That strikes me as an even less ideal situation than the first. Would he try and goad me into doing it again? If I hit him, what would the response of the combination of his and my friends be (knowing that none of them would have been able to see the ass-touching in the dark)? There are probably more reasons than I can think of for why hitting him would have been a poor move on my part. (Many of them went through my head when I was deciding how I'd respond.)<br />
<br />
So what did I actually do? I swapped places with one of my male friends, and my ass was not touched by any assholes behind me for the rest of the concert. Personal problem solved. Cultural problem of entitled douchebags really not.<br />
<br />
[H/T to Geek Feminism who had a re-post of a piece on just this sort of mater <a href="http://geekfeminism.org/2011/12/06/re-post-why-dont-you-just-hit-him/" target="_blank">recently</a>]Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-559987588006190412011-12-03T20:29:00.000+11:002011-12-03T20:29:24.424+11:00HaircutI go to the hairdresser occasionally to get my hair cut and dyed, as one does. I like to dye my hair bright colours, and starting from a black base, the bleach+colouring process is quite drawn out, taking a whole afternoon in the salon. Normally I quite enjoy having my hair played with (probably a throwback when we used to braid each other's hair when I was in primary school), but today I had a weird and unpleasant experience, somewhat reminiscent of <a href="http://stephanietrigg.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-dinner-with-carol-julie-lyn-and.html" target="_blank">this story</a>.<br />
<br />
I made an appointment and went to the hairdresser as usual. When I got in, there were a couple of other people getting their hair cut, so I had to wait. There was also a man, perhaps in his 30s (I'm terrible at estimating people's ages), waiting for an appointment. He stared at me when I came in, to the point of discomfort. When I asked him "what?", he exclaimed "she needs a champagne!" and offered me a glass of one. I turn it down, not having had much to eat because I was feeling a little under the weather after going out on Friday night.<br />
<br />
After we got moved to the chairs to get our hair done, he makes all sorts of crude jokes about "titties" and his pubic hair. Gross. At some point he asked me if I was religious (huh?), and when I replied in the negative, he says something about how that makes all his jokes acceptable (wrong. I still think they were in bad taste). [TW] <span style="color: #cccccc;">Then he went on to talk about how somebody electrocuted their wife/girlfriend and how he thinks they could have got away with stabbing her in any other country (WTF?!). </span>[/TW] I interjected with something like "nobody should get away with that", and pulled out my phone and did my best to ignore his chatter after that. Finally, he left and I was pleased to be left the fuck alone.<br />
<br />
Well. It turns out that he paid for my hair cut + colour when he left. I have no idea why he did that (to make up for being an obnoxious slightly drunk jerk? Some misguided attempt at being a gentleman? Was he trying to flirt with me? Was he feeling a bit threatened by an obviously young woman getting a haircut in an expensive salon without an attendant male?). WTF? Obviously I'm not going to accept a ($70) favour from him, and this whole thing makes me pretty uncomfortable, so I think I made the right decision by giving the hairdresser money and telling them to give him his money back. That way it's not my problem any more, in a way that if I had accepted the favour it would be. I'd have to thank him or something if I ran into him on the street (the location he said he lives is near me) and act grateful for his making me uncomfortable. I may need to deal with being called a bitch for not accepting his favour, but I think I prefer that to feeling like I owe somebody something.Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-81121303373122434382011-09-07T22:36:00.001+10:002011-09-07T22:38:05.697+10:00attention"As hard as you all work to avoid us, guys will do stupid things to get women's attention"<br />
<br />
Well, how about this. If I want someone's attention, I don't go and stamp on their toes. I don't do that because it's generally seen as a Rude and Not Nice thing to do. Even if I really want your attention.<br />
<br />
When a stranger yelling "nice ass" at a woman is also seen as a Rude and Not Nice thing to do (as opposed to a compliment) to get their attention, we will have made progress.Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-38087128572406301982011-09-06T11:35:00.000+10:002011-09-06T11:35:25.557+10:00Fail.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtkCFszs10nFnx5PJp1LgzkJDnIYLXbxU4RZ_lPRXypDpbitYGNAzITO7V2w-Dq_AT1A9J_0UkwctSiOU47e-p33Rn7EA0asXZ-e7QRYkhm7YsGdGegdj_sC8fw07nRBOComwc6_f0ZGM/s1600/Screenshot-3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtkCFszs10nFnx5PJp1LgzkJDnIYLXbxU4RZ_lPRXypDpbitYGNAzITO7V2w-Dq_AT1A9J_0UkwctSiOU47e-p33Rn7EA0asXZ-e7QRYkhm7YsGdGegdj_sC8fw07nRBOComwc6_f0ZGM/s320/Screenshot-3.png" width="169" /></a></div><br />
The ads I was served for the email notification about a comment on my previous post.<br />
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Head, meet desk.Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-91521730916111599782011-09-06T03:40:00.000+10:002012-01-15T02:05:01.201+11:00On feminism and privilegeI don't get to not care about feminist issues. I don't get to say "I don't care because it's too hard." I don't get to look away, because these are the things <a href="http://www.viruscomix.com/page551.html">which</a> <a href="http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2008/10/feminism-101.html">affect</a> <a href="http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2010/07/feminism-101-female-friendship-myths.html">me</a> <a href="http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2010/07/feminism-101-your-underdog-lovelorn.html">every</a> <a href="http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2010/08/in-curious-things.html">day</a>.<br />
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I can care about individual issues without a feminist framework, but that doesn't lessen their impact. Without a feminist framework to draw the links between the types of privilege I do and don't have, the future seems bleaker. Without feminism, I see no predictable way to change <a href="http://beefaerie.wordpress.com/2011/08/30/because-the-victim-is-responsible-for-not-being-raped/">the</a> <a href="http://thehandmirror.blogspot.com/2011/08/cost-of-being-woman-in-public.html">way</a> <a href="http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/04/survivor-thread.html">I</a>, <a href="http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2011/09/um.html">and</a> <a href="http://glutenfreegirl.com/warm-brown-rice-and-grilled-vegetable-salad/">people</a> <a href="http://ideologicallyimpure.wordpress.com/2011/09/04/oh-well-hes-funny-that-makes-up-for-sexually-abusing-a-four-year-old/">like</a> <a href="http://geekfeminism.org/2011/08/31/quick-hit-death-threats-and-hate-crimes-attacks-on-women-bloggers-escalating/">me</a>, <a href="http://norightturn.blogspot.com/2011/08/rich-mans-justice.html">are</a> <a href="http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2011/08/27/this-is-rape-culture-and-everyone-is-laughing/">treated</a> <a href="http://theladygarden.org/2011/08/11/cougar-attack/">as</a> <a href="http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2011/09/04/trends-in-starting-salaries-for-college-grads/">less</a> <a href="http://kiwianainked.wordpress.com/2011/08/14/fuck-your-scare-quotes-stuff/">every</a> <a href="http://beefaerie.wordpress.com/2011/08/09/so-why-is-it-that-women-are-the-ones-doing-it-wrong/">day</a>.<br />
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Without feminism, I see no change to the levels of <a href="http://history-herstory-scubanurse.blogspot.com/2011/05/baggy-clothes-are-not-bullet-proof-vest.html">harassment</a> I face <a href="http://ittybiz.com/death-threats-online/">online</a> and in <a href="http://www.leftycartoons.com/street-harassment/">meatspace</a>. I see no change in the rates of gender based violence. I see no change in how seriously I am and will be taken as a professional. I see talent being lost at every turn.<br />
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Without feminism, I see no point in continuing to live in this society.<br />
<br />
But.<br />
<br />
I can't opt out of society, and I can't opt out of caring about how it is broken. Especially, especially in the myriad of ways which affect me personally.<br />
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You may be able to choose to not care, but make that choice knowing that by making it, you are choosing to be part of the problem. People who are uninformed and perpetuate discrimination are almost (but not quite) excusable, but people who do it knowingly? They are not only part of the problem, but are preventing change. People who know better but do not challenge discriminatory views make it harder for change to happen. People who choose not to care are choosing to continue inflicting pain on others less well off than them, while having the power, time and energy to make it stop, because they are not wasting cycles on fending things off all the time. They are not using extra brain space on predicting whether the people around them care enough about consent not to <a href="http://www2.binghamton.edu/counseling/documents/RAPE_FACT_SHEET1.pdf">rape</a> <a href="http://hoydenabouttown.com/20101208.9110/you-wont-be-surprised-to-hear/">them</a>. They are not the ones fighting stereotypes about being lazy, suspicious, criminal, hysterical or less intelligent. In fact, perhaps because they are not burdened the stereotypes, they may even have a higher chances of actually bringing about change.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Links selected more or less at random from my feeds.</span>Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4504871003040480813.post-84221466785964990592011-06-06T20:50:00.000+10:002011-06-06T20:50:48.471+10:00Anger[TW for rape jokes]<br />
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It's funny how an idiotic comment from a stupid dipshit can ruin your day. I was having a great time at a judo lesson when a dipfuck pulled out the "it's not rape if you yell surprise!" joke, followed up by "let's just say she woke up and was surprised to be having sex".<br />
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I have no idea who the asshole is, but I whipped around and said "that's absolutely disgusting!". He tried to recover by saying something about how that joke is mis-credited. I responded with "I don't care who said it first. That's a disgusting thing to say and you don't say it around people." He spluttered a bit... and I turned back to putting the rest of the stuff back in my bag.<br />
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I'm horrified that he thought that sort of joke is remotely acceptable, let alone in a room with several women in it. I'm really glad I spoke up, yet I'm disappointed nobody else who was staring at us for the conversation jumped in to agree with me. I feel like I could have articulated the response better, but I was too shocked.<br />
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I just want to shake every person who says it and yell "why?" in their face.<br />
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Why? Why do you find the rape of women, especially the rape of unconscious women funny?<br />
Why do you think that the women in the room won't object?<br />
Why do you think that joking about hurting women is acceptable?<br />
Why? Why can't you see that what you are saying is enabling a culture where people think it is acceptable to ignore women's boundaries? Why don't you realise that what you are saying enables a culture where people think that raping a woman isn't a big deal? Why?Jshoephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17855149716912335799noreply@blogger.com0