Submissions must be of posts of feminist interest by writers from Australia and New Zealand that were published in January. I'll close submissions on February 2nd, so please submit your links by then! Spread the word!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Forty-fifth Down Under Feminists Carnival
I'm going to be hosting February's edition of the Down Under Feminists Carnival, hooray! Please send submissions via email as the blogcarnival submissions form is still not working. Submissions to wilddamon [at] gmail [dot] com.
Submissions must be of posts of feminist interest by writers from Australia and New Zealand that were published in January. I'll close submissions on February 2nd, so please submit your links by then! Spread the word!
Submissions must be of posts of feminist interest by writers from Australia and New Zealand that were published in January. I'll close submissions on February 2nd, so please submit your links by then! Spread the word!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Nooo
I think I might suppose to be pleased that a coworker gave me a rose and with a sweet little note. All I'm thinking is "nooooo, not again!".
Sunday, December 18, 2011
"you should have punched him in the face"
[TW for harassment and discussion of real and imagined violence]
Ok, so I've been known to talk about the time a guy cornered and then leaned over me, so I punched him in the face. Whatever. That was an appropriate action to deal with that particular guy in that particular situation. It had the desired effect of getting him away from me immediately.
Fast forward in time to now. I went to the Opeth concert at the Enmore Theatre on Friday night, and holycrap the audience was obnoxious. People were yelling for the band to "play metal", and other people were yelling at the yellers to "shut the fuck up". People also threw a few bottles onto the stage. I'm not sure whether the "play metal" yellers had been listening to the concert... perhaps they were mis-informed of what "metal" is. In any case, the band usually has a setlist they go through. I suppose some bands take requests from the crowd, but getting mad when they don't play your personal request smacks of an incredible sense of entitlement.
Anyway, the final piece of obnoxiousness that I wanted to talk about was the guy behind me who kept touching my ass.
(Seriously dude. WTF was that about? What exactly do you get from lightly stroking the back of my jeans?)
There are two main questions/comments I've got from people I've talked to about it: Did I report it and maybe I should have hit him. (Is my faith in humanity so low that I'm mildly surprised (and glad) that none of my (male) friends have questioned that it really happened?)
I'm pretty sure that if I'd tried to report that to someone (assuming I knew who to tell and could pick out the random dude standing behind me in the dark), I'd be unlikely to be believed or blown off. Assuming I was believed, if they questioned the guy, he'd probably have sudden onset of amnesia, and/or claim it must have been an accident, because it was crowded and everything. Further assuming that authorities decided to believe me, I don't even know what action is appropriate in this case...
The second common response was a variation on "why didn't you hit him?". There are many reasons for this one; he was much bigger and taller than me, so if he hit me back I'd be in big trouble. Starting a fight with someone stronger than you is generally a bad idea. He may or may not have socialisation against hitting women, however I don't know which, and he was drunk, lowering any inhibitions he might have anyway. Secondly, the crowd was already ready to brawl. I wouldn't want to be the first to start that. I just wanted to watch the damn concert without obnoxiousness from the crowd. Thirdly, where would he go after I hit him? We're standing in a crowd thick with people. If I hit him and it doesn't cause him to leave, then he's... still standing behind me. (Say I hit him, and he's not hurt and laughs it off, and stays standing where he is.) That strikes me as an even less ideal situation than the first. Would he try and goad me into doing it again? If I hit him, what would the response of the combination of his and my friends be (knowing that none of them would have been able to see the ass-touching in the dark)? There are probably more reasons than I can think of for why hitting him would have been a poor move on my part. (Many of them went through my head when I was deciding how I'd respond.)
So what did I actually do? I swapped places with one of my male friends, and my ass was not touched by any assholes behind me for the rest of the concert. Personal problem solved. Cultural problem of entitled douchebags really not.
[H/T to Geek Feminism who had a re-post of a piece on just this sort of mater recently]
Ok, so I've been known to talk about the time a guy cornered and then leaned over me, so I punched him in the face. Whatever. That was an appropriate action to deal with that particular guy in that particular situation. It had the desired effect of getting him away from me immediately.
Fast forward in time to now. I went to the Opeth concert at the Enmore Theatre on Friday night, and holycrap the audience was obnoxious. People were yelling for the band to "play metal", and other people were yelling at the yellers to "shut the fuck up". People also threw a few bottles onto the stage. I'm not sure whether the "play metal" yellers had been listening to the concert... perhaps they were mis-informed of what "metal" is. In any case, the band usually has a setlist they go through. I suppose some bands take requests from the crowd, but getting mad when they don't play your personal request smacks of an incredible sense of entitlement.
Anyway, the final piece of obnoxiousness that I wanted to talk about was the guy behind me who kept touching my ass.
(Seriously dude. WTF was that about? What exactly do you get from lightly stroking the back of my jeans?)
There are two main questions/comments I've got from people I've talked to about it: Did I report it and maybe I should have hit him. (Is my faith in humanity so low that I'm mildly surprised (and glad) that none of my (male) friends have questioned that it really happened?)
I'm pretty sure that if I'd tried to report that to someone (assuming I knew who to tell and could pick out the random dude standing behind me in the dark), I'd be unlikely to be believed or blown off. Assuming I was believed, if they questioned the guy, he'd probably have sudden onset of amnesia, and/or claim it must have been an accident, because it was crowded and everything. Further assuming that authorities decided to believe me, I don't even know what action is appropriate in this case...
The second common response was a variation on "why didn't you hit him?". There are many reasons for this one; he was much bigger and taller than me, so if he hit me back I'd be in big trouble. Starting a fight with someone stronger than you is generally a bad idea. He may or may not have socialisation against hitting women, however I don't know which, and he was drunk, lowering any inhibitions he might have anyway. Secondly, the crowd was already ready to brawl. I wouldn't want to be the first to start that. I just wanted to watch the damn concert without obnoxiousness from the crowd. Thirdly, where would he go after I hit him? We're standing in a crowd thick with people. If I hit him and it doesn't cause him to leave, then he's... still standing behind me. (Say I hit him, and he's not hurt and laughs it off, and stays standing where he is.) That strikes me as an even less ideal situation than the first. Would he try and goad me into doing it again? If I hit him, what would the response of the combination of his and my friends be (knowing that none of them would have been able to see the ass-touching in the dark)? There are probably more reasons than I can think of for why hitting him would have been a poor move on my part. (Many of them went through my head when I was deciding how I'd respond.)
So what did I actually do? I swapped places with one of my male friends, and my ass was not touched by any assholes behind me for the rest of the concert. Personal problem solved. Cultural problem of entitled douchebags really not.
[H/T to Geek Feminism who had a re-post of a piece on just this sort of mater recently]
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Haircut
I go to the hairdresser occasionally to get my hair cut and dyed, as one does. I like to dye my hair bright colours, and starting from a black base, the bleach+colouring process is quite drawn out, taking a whole afternoon in the salon. Normally I quite enjoy having my hair played with (probably a throwback when we used to braid each other's hair when I was in primary school), but today I had a weird and unpleasant experience, somewhat reminiscent of this story.
I made an appointment and went to the hairdresser as usual. When I got in, there were a couple of other people getting their hair cut, so I had to wait. There was also a man, perhaps in his 30s (I'm terrible at estimating people's ages), waiting for an appointment. He stared at me when I came in, to the point of discomfort. When I asked him "what?", he exclaimed "she needs a champagne!" and offered me a glass of one. I turn it down, not having had much to eat because I was feeling a little under the weather after going out on Friday night.
After we got moved to the chairs to get our hair done, he makes all sorts of crude jokes about "titties" and his pubic hair. Gross. At some point he asked me if I was religious (huh?), and when I replied in the negative, he says something about how that makes all his jokes acceptable (wrong. I still think they were in bad taste). [TW] Then he went on to talk about how somebody electrocuted their wife/girlfriend and how he thinks they could have got away with stabbing her in any other country (WTF?!). [/TW] I interjected with something like "nobody should get away with that", and pulled out my phone and did my best to ignore his chatter after that. Finally, he left and I was pleased to be left the fuck alone.
Well. It turns out that he paid for my hair cut + colour when he left. I have no idea why he did that (to make up for being an obnoxious slightly drunk jerk? Some misguided attempt at being a gentleman? Was he trying to flirt with me? Was he feeling a bit threatened by an obviously young woman getting a haircut in an expensive salon without an attendant male?). WTF? Obviously I'm not going to accept a ($70) favour from him, and this whole thing makes me pretty uncomfortable, so I think I made the right decision by giving the hairdresser money and telling them to give him his money back. That way it's not my problem any more, in a way that if I had accepted the favour it would be. I'd have to thank him or something if I ran into him on the street (the location he said he lives is near me) and act grateful for his making me uncomfortable. I may need to deal with being called a bitch for not accepting his favour, but I think I prefer that to feeling like I owe somebody something.
I made an appointment and went to the hairdresser as usual. When I got in, there were a couple of other people getting their hair cut, so I had to wait. There was also a man, perhaps in his 30s (I'm terrible at estimating people's ages), waiting for an appointment. He stared at me when I came in, to the point of discomfort. When I asked him "what?", he exclaimed "she needs a champagne!" and offered me a glass of one. I turn it down, not having had much to eat because I was feeling a little under the weather after going out on Friday night.
After we got moved to the chairs to get our hair done, he makes all sorts of crude jokes about "titties" and his pubic hair. Gross. At some point he asked me if I was religious (huh?), and when I replied in the negative, he says something about how that makes all his jokes acceptable (wrong. I still think they were in bad taste). [TW] Then he went on to talk about how somebody electrocuted their wife/girlfriend and how he thinks they could have got away with stabbing her in any other country (WTF?!). [/TW] I interjected with something like "nobody should get away with that", and pulled out my phone and did my best to ignore his chatter after that. Finally, he left and I was pleased to be left the fuck alone.
Well. It turns out that he paid for my hair cut + colour when he left. I have no idea why he did that (to make up for being an obnoxious slightly drunk jerk? Some misguided attempt at being a gentleman? Was he trying to flirt with me? Was he feeling a bit threatened by an obviously young woman getting a haircut in an expensive salon without an attendant male?). WTF? Obviously I'm not going to accept a ($70) favour from him, and this whole thing makes me pretty uncomfortable, so I think I made the right decision by giving the hairdresser money and telling them to give him his money back. That way it's not my problem any more, in a way that if I had accepted the favour it would be. I'd have to thank him or something if I ran into him on the street (the location he said he lives is near me) and act grateful for his making me uncomfortable. I may need to deal with being called a bitch for not accepting his favour, but I think I prefer that to feeling like I owe somebody something.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
attention
"As hard as you all work to avoid us, guys will do stupid things to get women's attention"
Well, how about this. If I want someone's attention, I don't go and stamp on their toes. I don't do that because it's generally seen as a Rude and Not Nice thing to do. Even if I really want your attention.
When a stranger yelling "nice ass" at a woman is also seen as a Rude and Not Nice thing to do (as opposed to a compliment) to get their attention, we will have made progress.
Well, how about this. If I want someone's attention, I don't go and stamp on their toes. I don't do that because it's generally seen as a Rude and Not Nice thing to do. Even if I really want your attention.
When a stranger yelling "nice ass" at a woman is also seen as a Rude and Not Nice thing to do (as opposed to a compliment) to get their attention, we will have made progress.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Fail.
The ads I was served for the email notification about a comment on my previous post.
Head, meet desk.
On feminism and privilege
I don't get to not care about feminist issues. I don't get to say "I don't care because it's too hard." I don't get to look away, because these are the things which affect me every day.
I can care about individual issues without a feminist framework, but that doesn't lessen their impact. Without a feminist framework to draw the links between the types of privilege I do and don't have, the future seems bleaker. Without feminism, I see no predictable way to change the way I, and people like me, are treated as less every day.
Without feminism, I see no change to the levels of harassment I face online and in meatspace. I see no change in the rates of gender based violence. I see no change in how seriously I am and will be taken as a professional. I see talent being lost at every turn.
Without feminism, I see no point in continuing to live in this society.
But.
I can't opt out of society, and I can't opt out of caring about how it is broken. Especially, especially in the myriad of ways which affect me personally.
You may be able to choose to not care, but make that choice knowing that by making it, you are choosing to be part of the problem. People who are uninformed and perpetuate discrimination are almost (but not quite) excusable, but people who do it knowingly? They are not only part of the problem, but are preventing change. People who know better but do not challenge discriminatory views make it harder for change to happen. People who choose not to care are choosing to continue inflicting pain on others less well off than them, while having the power, time and energy to make it stop, because they are not wasting cycles on fending things off all the time. They are not using extra brain space on predicting whether the people around them care enough about consent not to rape them. They are not the ones fighting stereotypes about being lazy, suspicious, criminal, hysterical or less intelligent. In fact, perhaps because they are not burdened the stereotypes, they may even have a higher chances of actually bringing about change.
---
Links selected more or less at random from my feeds.
I can care about individual issues without a feminist framework, but that doesn't lessen their impact. Without a feminist framework to draw the links between the types of privilege I do and don't have, the future seems bleaker. Without feminism, I see no predictable way to change the way I, and people like me, are treated as less every day.
Without feminism, I see no change to the levels of harassment I face online and in meatspace. I see no change in the rates of gender based violence. I see no change in how seriously I am and will be taken as a professional. I see talent being lost at every turn.
Without feminism, I see no point in continuing to live in this society.
But.
I can't opt out of society, and I can't opt out of caring about how it is broken. Especially, especially in the myriad of ways which affect me personally.
You may be able to choose to not care, but make that choice knowing that by making it, you are choosing to be part of the problem. People who are uninformed and perpetuate discrimination are almost (but not quite) excusable, but people who do it knowingly? They are not only part of the problem, but are preventing change. People who know better but do not challenge discriminatory views make it harder for change to happen. People who choose not to care are choosing to continue inflicting pain on others less well off than them, while having the power, time and energy to make it stop, because they are not wasting cycles on fending things off all the time. They are not using extra brain space on predicting whether the people around them care enough about consent not to rape them. They are not the ones fighting stereotypes about being lazy, suspicious, criminal, hysterical or less intelligent. In fact, perhaps because they are not burdened the stereotypes, they may even have a higher chances of actually bringing about change.
---
Links selected more or less at random from my feeds.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Anger
[TW for rape jokes]
It's funny how an idiotic comment from a stupid dipshit can ruin your day. I was having a great time at a judo lesson when a dipfuck pulled out the "it's not rape if you yell surprise!" joke, followed up by "let's just say she woke up and was surprised to be having sex".
I have no idea who the asshole is, but I whipped around and said "that's absolutely disgusting!". He tried to recover by saying something about how that joke is mis-credited. I responded with "I don't care who said it first. That's a disgusting thing to say and you don't say it around people." He spluttered a bit... and I turned back to putting the rest of the stuff back in my bag.
I'm horrified that he thought that sort of joke is remotely acceptable, let alone in a room with several women in it. I'm really glad I spoke up, yet I'm disappointed nobody else who was staring at us for the conversation jumped in to agree with me. I feel like I could have articulated the response better, but I was too shocked.
I just want to shake every person who says it and yell "why?" in their face.
Why? Why do you find the rape of women, especially the rape of unconscious women funny?
Why do you think that the women in the room won't object?
Why do you think that joking about hurting women is acceptable?
Why? Why can't you see that what you are saying is enabling a culture where people think it is acceptable to ignore women's boundaries? Why don't you realise that what you are saying enables a culture where people think that raping a woman isn't a big deal? Why?
It's funny how an idiotic comment from a stupid dipshit can ruin your day. I was having a great time at a judo lesson when a dipfuck pulled out the "it's not rape if you yell surprise!" joke, followed up by "let's just say she woke up and was surprised to be having sex".
I have no idea who the asshole is, but I whipped around and said "that's absolutely disgusting!". He tried to recover by saying something about how that joke is mis-credited. I responded with "I don't care who said it first. That's a disgusting thing to say and you don't say it around people." He spluttered a bit... and I turned back to putting the rest of the stuff back in my bag.
I'm horrified that he thought that sort of joke is remotely acceptable, let alone in a room with several women in it. I'm really glad I spoke up, yet I'm disappointed nobody else who was staring at us for the conversation jumped in to agree with me. I feel like I could have articulated the response better, but I was too shocked.
I just want to shake every person who says it and yell "why?" in their face.
Why? Why do you find the rape of women, especially the rape of unconscious women funny?
Why do you think that the women in the room won't object?
Why do you think that joking about hurting women is acceptable?
Why? Why can't you see that what you are saying is enabling a culture where people think it is acceptable to ignore women's boundaries? Why don't you realise that what you are saying enables a culture where people think that raping a woman isn't a big deal? Why?
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