Down Under Feminists' Carnival in progress!

I'm currently compiling links from May for the 61st edition of the Down Under Feminists' Carnival.


Watch this space!

Australia's Paid Parental Leave scheme is flawed

I was having a discussion with a group of people about Australia’s paid parental leave scheme, and we noticed that it is biased against families where the birth mother earns more than her partner. As someone who could potentially end up in this position in the future (depending on the timing of things and whatnot), I find this rather concerning.

The government webpage (http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/enablers/centrelink/paid-parental-leave-scheme/eligibility) says “If you are the birth mother of a newborn child or the initial primary carer of an adopted child, you must lodge the claim for Parental Leave Pay .... if you wish to return to work early, transfer some or all of your unused Parental Leave Pay …. The person to whom you transfer Parental Leave Pay must lodge a claim for the scheme and meet the eligibility criteria. This person cannot be eligible for the scheme if the birth mother or the initial primary carer of the adopted child is not eligible.”

This means that for the partner to participate in the scheme, both members of the couple need to pass the means test.  For example, suppose there are two couples, A and B.  Couple A's mother earns $80k annually and her partner earns $155k annually.  Couple B reverses the salaries so that the mother earns $155k and her partner earns $80k.  Couple A will be able to participate in the scheme, but couple B will not, despite the fact that the two couples have the same income.

I realise that it might be a rare thing these days for a couple to be in a situation where the mother earns more than her partner and the partner wants to be the initial primary caregiver of their child. But, just because it is a rare situation doesn't mean it is all right for the scheme to discriminate against those people. Since the scheme was, in part, implemented to encourage women to stay in the workforce, I find it surprising that it can penalise mothers who earn more than their partners.

In light of this, I recently lodged  a complaint with the Department of Human Services. The woman I spoke to said she saw the hole in the system, and that the way these things get fixed is for people to lodge more complaints.

Please help get this fixed! You can lodge a complaint of your own here:

http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/information/feedback-complaints

(phone number is 1800 132 0468 - select the option for centrelink)

Crochet cute

I'm bored of posting on my blog only when something bad has happened.

So today, I present the crochet dog I made. Just because.

Things not to do when waiting in line

[Content note: violation of personal boundaries, also foul language]

Dear denizens of the internet,

In light of an incident which happened to me when waiting for a table in a restaurant tonight, I'd like to give everyone who needs it a not so gentle reminder of waiting in line etiquette.

If you are waiting in line for something, and there is a woman, who is reading something on her phone while waiting in the same line as you, do not go put your arm around her and ask her if you can watch porn with her on her phone.

Now I know this might seem like common sense, but if you're unsure of why you shouldn't do that, it's because you come off as a creepy fuckwad who is invading her personal space. You will be setting off a million red flags in her brain which are there to help her avoid entitled assholes who are dangerous to be around. Even if you don't think you're dangerous, that's still what will be happening, because she can't read your mind. She gets to decide what sort of behaviour seems dangerous to her, not you. Also, even if you are "just trying to be friendly" by doing such a thing, and you can't see that you're being incredibly intrusive and rude, you're an idiot. If you can, and you don't care, then by gods you're a bigger jerkface than anyone could have predicted.

If you can't think of other things to do while you're waiting in line, try checking your own phone. Or talking to the group of friends you're with. Or staring at the ceiling. Or attempting to start a polite conversation that isn't about a sexually charged subject with a stranger. Or anything else that doesn't involve inserting yourself into somebody else's personal space without their permission.

If you do somehow find yourself in the embarrassing situation of having already put your arm around a woman who is a stranger to you, and she says "don't touch me", one thing you absolutely do not do is direct your apology to another man who happens to be standing near her. Most especially you do not apologise for "stepping on his toes".

I would have thought that this seems like common sense, but if somebody says to you "don't touch me", you generally apologise to the person you touched. There isn't anyone else to apologise to, since you are have invaded that person's boundaries, and nobody else's. A woman is not the property of her male partner or father, so you are not breaching any of their boundaries by touching her without their permission. A woman who goes out in public without her (male) partner or her father is not "free game to whatever to with impunity because she's out without an owner", because she owns herself. I really shouldn't have to remind anybody of this, but pre-school 101 still applies: keep your hands to yourself.

If somehow you're managed to invade a woman's personal space, and then apologise to the wrong person, and she and the group of people she's with get angry at you, you should know that "I was just trying to be friendly" and "I was just joking around" are not justifications for your behaviour. There is no justification. You don't get to touch people if they don't want it. That goes for everyone. If somehow you've got this far into the situation, and you're still trying to defend yourself, all I can say is "dig up, fool!". You've just perpetuated a nasty bit of retrograde sexism and rape culture which claims that women do not own their own bodies. You should be ashamed of yourself.

A response

Receive article suggestion from university friend that I "might find interesting" (read infuriating), and much typing is done in procrastination.

Article: http://postmasculine.com/why-im-not-a-feminist 

(Yeah, I didn't think it was going to be good, but I wanted to respond)

---

So what I'm getting from that article is

"citation needed on your rape statistic [1]",

"I call bullshit on genetic differences in spatial reasoning and emotional intelligence, that's learned behaviour (so very difficult to measure a genetic effect), and citation needed",

"Good, you're a nice guy who doesn't rape people. Have a cookie.",

"I call bullshit on rape being universally condemned, for sure it is in name, but actions speak louder than words. [2]. Also you just described rape culture in your refutation of it existence. Whoops!",

"feminism has accomplished all it's goals? ROFL NO, explain the dearth of women in power in the upper levels of politics, business, etc, and excluding women who take time off to be a mother doesn't correct anything, why aren't men doing that too? Why is it that women on average still have a much smaller economic power than men?",

"wait, we have full reproductive rights? I guess the odious Right to Life [sic] group isn't actually trying to take away women's right to their own body or anything, also like, everything that's happening in American politics right now, and the 7-year court case the Right to Life [sic] group has been having with the NZ justice system to try and take away our rights to control our own body. Also New Zealand's abortion law is still in the crimes act. Yes, there's clearly not any need to advocate for reproductive rights anywhere in the west any more [3]",

"LOL you think the current justice system actually deals with rape well. Yes, for all other crimes it's debated that it wasn't a crime at all because of your past actions. Like, you gave away a present once, that means that you didn't get robbed, you just gave the robber a gift! LOL of course that doesn't happen", and

"I think you don't understand the point of the Slut Walk. It protests the idea that women "deserve" rape if they wear "provocative" clothing, which is something you claim to support",




TL;DR: The article seems not very well informed, even though I'll admit that it is better than most things that come out of the "manosphere". Comment #3 by Paul has some good points, and later Mark Neil also makes an informative comment.




[1] If you want some real statistics on rape, it's estimated at 18%, not 8%, using a very narrow definition of rape (this number only includes rapes by force or impairment using substances. Rape via coercion is listed separately at 13%). (This is from a US perspective, but the culture there is not so dissimilar from here). This is from 2010 results of the The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey from the US Center for Disease Control (pdf):http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Executive_Summary-a.pdf

Fact sheet about victims and perpetrators of rape and sexual assault from the University of Massachusetts (pdf):http://www2.binghamton.edu/counseling/documents/RAPE_FACT_SHEET1.pdf


[2] You know, I'd type it all out and add more references, but Melissa McEwan's done it for me.http://www.shakesville.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html

Also, even if rape weren't so common in western society, the way it's held over women to generate fear would be a problem in itself. See this thread for some examples of how the threat of rape curtails women's daily movements:http://www.shakesville.com/2008/10/feminism-101.html


[3] Read any news relating to the American Republican Party, and their promises to "overturn abortion" and "fight contraception" and their all-male panel on contraception.

http://www.shakesville.com/2012/02/year-2012.html

http://swampland.time.com/2012/02/14/rick-santorum-wants-to-fight-the-dangers-of-contraception/

http://www.shakesville.com/2012/03/number-of-day_28.html

http://floridaindependent.com/75483/rick-scott-rape-crisis-centers

Right to Life [sic] (RTL) v Abortion Supervisory Committee (ASC) court case:

http://alranz.wordpress.com/2012/03/22/abortion-access-back-in-the-dock-part-2/

Love letters

I've been very tempted to add the following to my profile at work recently:

If you're about to send me a love letter, or a note telling me you like me, or similar, stop.

It's very unlikely that it is appropriate to use your work email to do so, and if you don't have a personal address to send it to, then you probably don't know me well enough anyway.

Seriously, I'm flattered that y'all think I'm cool, but fuck off.

Case in point.

I won't really put that up, but seriously, I would have thought guys would have enough sense to realise that that's probably not a good idea.

When will you stop being a feminist?

When there is no net advantage to being a man or a woman in society. When nobody is telling me what I can and can't do with my body, and when it is my own to do with as I please (without anyone touching me without my permission). When my reproductive organs don't tell you anything about my personality, or why I might be disagreeable at any given time. When the number if sexual partners I've had is a non-issue. When becoming a mother does not put me in a position of weakness (with respect to a male partner or in society in general) and when it does not damage my career. When I can automatically be assumed competent in the workplace until proven otherwise, and likewise men in the home. When the rate of family violence is very low, and there is no shame in speaking about it, and rare cases are fairly and equally tried. When the rate of sexual violence is lowered, and there is no shame in speaking about it, and the rare cases of it are fairly and equally tried. When there is no longer a wage gap. When our leadership actually represents women and minorities, and does so with respect and upholds everyone's human rights. When women are properly represented in popular media. When being a homemaker is not to be looked down upon. When "you're such a girl" makes no sense as an insult.

I could go on. But most importantly, when all of this is true for every person on the planet.
Sadly, this is unlikely to happen in my lifetime. That doesn't mean I can't begin laying foundations towards a better future for the next generation.

On romantic gestures

One thing that I find a little strange about dating is how some men feel like they need to make particular types of romantic gestures to earn my affection. Things like buying me flowers and jewelry. I don't have particular objections to flowers and jewelry, they just seem... kind of useless to me.

I'm not a huge wearer of jewelry (it somehow rarely occur to me to do so, even though I have a reasonable stash of mostly costume jewelry that I've acquired in various ways over the years). I also have a habit of breaking/losing things too, so then I feel kind of pressured into wearing this thing... often which I don't even necessarily think is that pretty, and then worry about losing it, or breaking it by forgetting to take it off before sleeping or showering.

Flowers... well they die. And you have to look after them for a while before they do so. Also they have a habit of making a mess and smelling bad before you get around to throwing them out. It's doubly annoying when the giver of the flowers hasn't even bothered to find out what sort of flowers I like first. (Red roses, especially when packaged with baby's breath, immediately come to mind. I'm not much of a fan because they were my grandmother's favourite, and I buy them to put on her grave sometimes, so they mostly just remind me of her. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it's probably not what a giver of flowers is intending with them.)

Another thing that bothers me a little bit about this sort of stuff early in a relationship is the feeling that I might owe somebody something for this... like, what do they expect to get out of giving me things? Should I give them something back? Are they asserting some kind of ownership by marking me or my desk with very stereotypical items of romance?

Or are they just doing it because they feel like they should because that stuff always works on TV and in the media? (You know, just like how women are the hive mind and all like the same things, and the media is always an accurate representation... yeah something like that.) Is it like, they think that they're supposed to "just know" what I like without asking me (and maybe that I'd be annoyed by being asked), so they're falling back on the obvious (and stereotypical)? I mean, if I was asked, I'd probably say I didn't want anything for my birthday/christmas/valentines day/<insert other event here>. And I'd really be fine with no present, or non-object things like spending some extra time together, or cuddles, or food. Seriously... I'd really prefer that over wasting money on things I don't care that much about any day.